Wilderness Vegetation Chapter 53

Chapter 53

---

Lan Qiuchen entered the hospital room holding the MRI and CT scan reports. Tang Yunyan stood up from her chair, and Shen Zhi, who was on the bed, half-opened his eyes before closing them again.

"If this continues and you damage your prefrontal cortex, you can forget about being a lawyer," Lan Qiuchen said, throwing the report beside Shen Zhi's pillow. "You only have one brain, if it suffers irreversible damage, it will be too late for regrets."

Shen Zhi reached out and took the report, glanced at it, and then looked up to ask, "When can I leave?"

Lan Qiuchen was so angry that he was at a loss for words. He left the room with a frustrated "Figure it out yourself." Tang Yunyan turned to look at Shen Zhi and, after a moment, finally said, "I've never heard you talk about it."

Shen Zhi seemed so normal, calm, polite, and outstanding that Tang Yunyan couldn't associate words like 'depression,' 'anxiety,' and 'hallucinations' with him. Although she knew that some psychological disorders wouldn't manifest openly under normal circumstances, she still found it hard to believe because it was Shen Zhi. Just like when she and the security guard arrived and saw Shen Zhi curled up in the car, trembling and drenched in sweat, she had nearly cried out in shock.

"It's not something worth sharing," Shen Zhi said. "It has progressed to moderate depression, Lan Qiuchen is just overreacting, it's nothing serious."

"Does Xu Yan know?"

Hearing that name, Shen Zhi felt a pang of heartache. He took a breath to steady himself and replied, "He doesn't."

What would happen if Xu Yan knew? Shen Zhi didn't dare to imagine it. Xu Yan might be even more reluctant to see him and reject him even more than he does now. Xu Yan wanted a normal, healthy relationship, something Shen Zhi sadly did not have, he didn't have it before and certainly couldn't have it now.

Suddenly, Shen Zhi understood that Xu Yan was very wise. Xu Yan had given up not only a painful relationship but also an abnormal, ill partner. They were indeed unsuitable for each other, and his presence would only cause Xu Yan harm, pain, and torment. Xu Yan choosing a new life was entirely right, rational, and responsible for his own life.

If he truly loved Xu Yan, he should stay far away from him rather than pursuing him relentlessly and hoping for a fresh start.

That was the way it was.

Shen Zhi felt that his mind was still sound. He could finally see things clearly and sort out his logic before causing Xu Yan any more real harm – fortunately, it wasn't too late.

Looking at his pale face, Tang Yunyan felt a lump in her throat. From the time Xu Yan confessed to Shen Zhi in college until now, she had a general understanding of the whole process, but looking back, she truly couldn't summarise why these two had reached this point.

Xu Yan didn't know about all this, not because Shen Zhi didn't have a chance to tell him, but because Shen Zhi never intended to.

The IV drip was almost empty. Shen Zhi reached out to press the call button and said to Tang Yunyan, "Sorry for taking up your time today, I'll be discharged soon and will take you back to the office."

At that moment, Tang Yunyan completely empathised with Lan Qiuchen's feelings, those mixed emotions of frustration and helplessness. She wanted to blame Shen Zhi but couldn't bring herself to be so cruel.

On the way back, Shen Zhi drove carefully, and Tang Yunyan's gaze mostly stayed on the medical adhesive bandage on the back of his hand. Although neither of them was very talkative, they were never this silent. However, Tang Yunyan truly had nothing to say right now.

"Be careful on the road, drive slowly, and remember to go to the hospital on time," Tang Yunyan said. After Shen Zhi nodded in agreement, she closed the car door and stood there watching him drive away.

When she arrived at the office, Xu Yan and his assistant were standing by the workstation, looking at the computer. Seeing Tang Yunyan enter, Xu Yan looked up and said, "We've got an impromptu shoot tonight, I'll have to trouble you to prepare a few outfits."

Compared to the fatigue he had shown in the morning, Tang Yunyan felt that Xu Yan looked even more exhausted now, emotionally drained.

She walked over and said, "Okay."

After spending some time finalising the outfits, several assistants came over to organise and take away the clothes and accessories. Xu Yan said, "Thanks for your hard work. I'll be staying up late tonight, I'm going to order some coffee later, want some?"

"I'll pass," Tang Yunyan replied.

"Did you go out this morning? You weren't here all afternoon, I thought you weren't coming back to the office today."

"Mhmm, I went to the hospital."

"What's wrong?" Xu Yan turned to look at her. "Are you feeling unwell?"

Tang Yunyan looked at him calmly. "It wasn't me, it was my friend who wasn't feeling well." She pressed her lips together and in the end decided to say the name. "Shen Zhi was hospitalised."

She clearly saw Xu Yan's pupils dilate slightly, and then he instinctively stood up straight, his head turning slightly from side to side as if searching for something, looking a bit lost. Finally, Xu Yan's gaze returned to her, and he asked, "What happened to him?"

"I'm not sure, but it doesn't seem like a minor issue," Tang Yunyan said. "However, he said he had things to do and discharged himself after removing the IV, he's on his way back now."

"I remember you're going to that area tomorrow for the photography exhibition. If you have time, you can stop by and see him," Tang Yunyan suggested as she turned back to the computer, sighing softly. "Of course, if you feel it's unnecessary and you really don't care, then it's best not to go."

She added, "To avoid giving him any false hope."

Xu Yan didn't respond. He knew that Tang Yunyan wasn't someone who exaggerated. He repeatedly recalled their conversation from the morning, searching for any anomalies, but the only clue he had was the last few seconds – Shen Zhi almost collapsing and avoiding eye contact.

After pulling an all-nighter, Xu Yan returned home at five in the morning, so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open. He took a shower and immediately fell into bed. He should have slept soundly, but he didn't. His sleep was restless, filled with chaotic dreams. The scenes in his dreams were fragmented, the vast playground from university, a basketball bouncing on the court, leaves scattered under dappled tree shadows, a blurry face in the viewfinder, but the eyes were clear, dark and looking at him.

He held that gaze for a long time, Shen Zhi's eyes.

What do you want to say? Xu Yan wanted to ask him. He felt that Shen Zhi had something to say, but Shen Zhi remained silent.

"Forget it if you're not going to speak." Xu Yan closed his eyes.

"Help me..."

The low, hoarse, pained voice made Xu Yan snap his eyes open, but he was no longer in the dream.

Xu Yan sat up in bed, his head lowered in a daze. He realised that the harsh words he had spoken the previous day were ultimately because his resolve wasn't strong enough. His heart had just begun to soften when it was forced to harden again, constricting tightly, suspended in mid-air. This cycle repeated, causing him immense torment.

However, if he could truly remain indifferent to Shen Zhi, he wouldn't have needed to use the threat of going abroad again.

It sounded very resolute, but on closer examination, you could discover how much insecurity, hesitation, and conflict lay beneath.

It was already noon, after lunch, he would head to the photography exhibition. Xu Yan sat in a daze for a while before getting up to wash and get dressed.

Before leaving, he received a text message about a delivery. Xu Yan went downstairs to the parcel locker to collect it. He wasn't sure what it was. After taking it to the car, he opened the small package. Inside the bubble wrap was a stack of DSLR memory cards and a few USB drives.

Xu Yan stared blankly at the items. Years ago, after he and Shen Zhi had separated, he had asked Shen Zhi to send these over. Shen Zhi had claimed he couldn't find them, yet here they were, arriving unexpectedly today.

He glanced at the sender's address, it was from Shen Zhi's neighbourhood.

Leaning back in his chair, Xu Yan pondered. He wanted to ask why Shen Zhi hadn't sent them earlier. Had it really taken three years to find them? What was the meaning of sending them now?

He also wanted to ask, why were you admitted to the hospital again?

It had been a long time since Xu Yan had been to this city. After the photography exhibition, he had dinner with a friend, who cheerfully showed him photos of his two-year-old daughter. While looking at the pictures, Xu Yan thought of Ye Xuan, who was also pregnant, and felt quite happy.

After dinner, they chatted for a long time. When they finally left the restaurant, it was past ten. Xu Yan bid farewell to his friend and got into his car. He was familiar with this area, it was the largest commercial district closest to Shen Zhi's home. At the end of the street, turn right, cross a bridge over the river, and drive a few more miles and you will end up at a park, and beyond the park was Shen Zhi's neighbourhood.

When Xu Yan used to go out for late-night snacks, he always rolled down the car window on the bridge, enjoying the night breeze, the city lights, and the sound of the ship horns. He often thought how wonderful it would be if Shen Zhi could come out with him to enjoy such a beautiful view together.

Driving to the end of the boulevard, Xu Yan looked ahead. Going straight would take him over the bridge, while the right lane would lead to the expressway. If he wanted to go home, he should change lanes to the expressway and then get on the highway.

Xu Yan gripped the steering wheel. The bridge ahead was brightly lit, with countless cars merging and heading to the other side.

He should change lanes to the expressway, but Xu Yan hesitated to turn on the indicator. The blue directional sign at the fork was becoming more prominent, the white letters reflecting the light, indicating straight or right turn options, getting closer and closer, the point where he had to change lanes also drawing nearer.

Seven metres left.

"Shen Zhi was hospitalised."

Six metres left.

"I'm not sure, but it doesn't seem like a minor issue."

Five metres left.

"I remember you're going to that area tomorrow for the photography exhibition. If you have time, you can stop by and see him."

Four metres left.

"Of course, if you feel it's unnecessary and you really don't care, then it's best not to go."

Three metres left.

"To avoid giving him any false hope."

Two metres left.

"Help me..."

Xu Yan's heart gave a heavy thump. He took a deep breath, maintaining his course, heading towards the bridge.

The view from the bridge was still the same, making Xu Yan feel a bit dazed. After crossing the bridge and driving past the park, his car was stopped at the entrance of the neighbourhood. The security guard came over and knocked on the window. Xu Yan suspected he wouldn't be allowed in, but the guard took a close look at him and smiled, "Mr Xu?"

Xu Yan realised the security guard hadn't changed. Impressed by his memory, he nodded, "Long time no see."

He was asked to get out of the car for a facial recognition scan, which he passed. Shen Zhi had never had Xu Yan's information removed, so he could still freely enter the neighbourhood.

Xu Yan parked the car slowly by the roadside, turning to look at the house. It was dark inside, he couldn't tell if Shen Zhi was home.

Xu Yan got out of the car and pushed open the gate, noticing the white magnolia tree was taller than before. He walked to the front door, and as the sensor light came on, he stared at the electronic lock. Raising his hand, he pressed his fingertip against it. After a few beeps, the door unlocked.

The light from outside illuminated the hallway and faintly lit other parts of the living room, though it was still hard to see clearly. Xu Yan felt a strange sensation, a feeling that seemed to gather from every corner of the house, like tendrils reaching out to him, wrapping around his ankles.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

Previous Chapter | TOC | Next Chapter

Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: October 4, 2024 by Angel

Edited: October 27, 2024 by Angel