My Vampire Faints at Blood Chapter 32

Intelligence Includes Memory and Reasoning

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"Dude, we're not talking about you – you just sang out of tune, why are you crying so loudly?" Before Shang Haojia could figure out how to comfort his friend who had lost the meaning of his elf life, a beer was suddenly thrown on the table.

The boy who came over was obviously one of the cosplayers, wearing a weird black dress, a bow tie, and a huge chainsaw on his shoulder, "Finish this bottle, and stop crying if you're a man. There's a lot of cosplayers out there, so why does everyone have to be a good singer?"

"You're the cosplayer – I'm not a man, I'm a male elf!" The broken-hearted elf shot up in anger. But before he could say anything, Shang Haojia was quick to cover his mouth and press him down without a word.

The boy was taken aback and stammered out a question, "He said... he said he was what?"

Doctor Shang pinned the man to the table with one hand and looked up calmly, still unperturbed, "Nothing, he says he's a Smurf."

"Oh oh, that scared me..." Having been frightened by the staggering male elf, the boy patted his chest in relief.

Shang Haojia gave the elf a good kick under the table and nodded at the boy with a friendly smile, "He's just a little bit of a hard-headed guy. I'll talk to him, it's okay, thanks for your kind words."

"It's okay, we're also here to grieve until dawn, so I just wanted to say a few words." The boy waved his hand cheerfully, pulled out a chair, and sat down, then tugged on the elf's ear twice with interest, "Not to mention the quality of your elf ears, you can't see any traces of them – Where did you get them? We'll have to look at them later, the elf in our group has robot-like ears and is usually too scared to lift his hair." 

After being kicked hard, An Muxi mostly sobered up and remembered that he was in the human world. Unable to get off the tiger, he half-heartedly pulled on his ears before holding his breath and whispering a reply, "I – I bought them online, but I don't have my phone, so I can't show you..." (Angel: Unable to get off the tiger is a Chinese idiom, originally "it's hard to ride a tiger", 骑虎难下, an analogy that means that even though the task or situation is difficult, it's hard to stop halfway through.)

"I'll leave you my contact details then. Send me the shop later and I'll be sure to send you a big red envelope." The boy obviously took him seriously, pulling a business card out of his pocket and slipping it to him, then affectionately taking him by the shoulders and patting him on the back, "Dude, I'm not the one who said this – but with your profile, you could have countless people taking pictures with you at Comic Con if you look like that. You could be a star with a little grooming and a nice outfit. Why do you have to hang on to singing?"

"Because I want to sing. My greatest dream in life is to sing. I'm a soul abandoned by the Lord who longs to sing!" Unable to laugh or cry at his question, the light elf who was riding a tiger strained his neck and replied loudly, then ran out of the bar in grief and anger.

The boy, who was caught off guard by the change of events in front of him, blinked in bewilderment and looked over at Shang Haojia, whose face was full of indifference, and patted him sympathetically on the shoulder, "Man, your friend is quite good-looking, but his brain – You should take him to the hospital later to get checked..."

"It's okay, he's just drunk, I'll just tell him to calm himself down." He couldn't bear to admit that he was the doctor. Shang Haojia laughed helplessly and planned to get up and follow him out to have a look. However, before he could stand up, he was tugged by the boy, "I hadn't noticed earlier, but you're in pretty good shape, do you cosplay?"

Looking at the boy who was obviously still young, Shang Haojia shook his head with a light smile and replied patiently, "I don't, I'm too busy with my work."

"Then you're not in a group with him!? Do you have anything to do today? Could you do us a favour?" Hearing his answer, the boy instead perked up and got up to hold his shoulders, "One of the cosplayers in our group couldn't make it. We're about to go on stage at Comic Con today, and we're only one person short – just stand with us for twenty minutes, and we'll give you two hundred yuan!"

"I don't have anything to do during the day, but I've never done this before and I'm afraid I won't be able to fit in with you guys..." Having just seen a fresh Hogwarts student, it was his turn to be invited to play a wizard. 

As Shang Haojia was thinking about how to politely decline the offer, he suddenly had a pair of glasses placed on his face, and a decent wand shoved in his hand, "Look, look, look, do you think he's good enough to replace Li?"

"There's nothing to say, he looks pretty much the same, even has the same figure." Next to them, the gentle boy dressed as a vampire looked over when he heard him, looked him up and down, nodded slightly, then took the initiative to get up and walk in front of him, "We really can't find anyone else. If we can't get enough people together, we won't be able to get on stage, and we'll have to pay the organiser – We have all the props, makeup and costumes, and we'll pay you. You can set the price, I wonder if you could do us this favour?"

"I used to be a resident singer here when I was at university, and I know what it's like for you guys to want to pursue something you like..." Looking at the eager and nervous students in front of him, Shang Haojia suddenly changed his mind. Nodding with a soft smile, he looked again at the gentle boy dressed as a vampire on the side, "I'll do you guys this favour today, and I don't need you to pay me anything – That little brother who is dressed as a vampire, do you have any more of those fake teeth? Can you give me a new pair?"

"Yes yes – I have several new ones, you can take them all if you want!" At his words, the gentle boy in vampire costume nodded excitedly and pulled out five or six sets of fake fangs from a prop bag on the floor and placed them on the table in one fluid motion, "These ones don't really affect you once you get used to them, and you can hid them in your mouth! Are you interested in them?"

"It's not me, it's my–" Picking up a set and playing with it in his hand, the dedicated Doctor Shang's mind was still spinning with new treatment methods. When the name that had reached his lips took a turn, he changed it without a trace and diverted the conversation again, "... It's a friend of mine who needs some experiential therapy at the moment – What time are you leaving for Comic Con and how do I fit in your schedule?"

"We'll leave around eight. It's only four now, so you can go ahead and keep your friend company or drop him off at home, just leave us your contact information." The gentle boy nodded sincerely at him, then took out a pen and paper and handed it to him, "Thank you very much, you've done us a great favour..."

"You're welcome, I actually agreed to do it for the fake fangs." Shang Haojia shook his head with a smile and raised his hand to take the pen and paper. 

Just before he was about to sign his name out of habit, An Muxi, who had just run out of the bar, rushed in again in a huff and clutched his wrist, "Chips, come with me, you're in trouble..." (Angel: He genuinely called him 薯片儿, which translates to potato chips...)

"What's wrong?" Not understanding what kind of trouble he could be in, Shang Haojia raised his eyebrows in surprise. Just before he was about to ask, he was suddenly tapped on the shoulder, "Friend, can you tell us what your name is and what your status is?"

Turning around, there were two middle-aged men at the table. They were both wearing black trench coats, with large sunglasses over their faces, and the collars of their trench coats were pulled up quite high, making them almost impenetrable.

Doctor Shang, who has read many ghost stories, raised an eyebrow indifferently, looked at the two equally lifeless beings in front of him, and calmly patted the arm that was holding him down. Avoiding the group of students, he guided them to a secluded corner, "What do you think my name is, and what is my identity?"

"I heard the elf who came in earlier call you Chips, but with what we know of human society, there should be no such strange name. Otherwise, His Highness Loki wouldn't be called Wayne Loki..."

Before the first blood clan member could finish his sentence, he was kicked by the other blood clan member, "His Highness Loki has stressed three times that we are not allowed to mention His Highness Loki's name, did you drink it all down with your blood?!"

"I forgot, I forgot – I have sinned, I am guilty of betraying the trust of His Highness Loki..." The kicked blood clan member hastily stood up straight, respectfully drew a cross on his chest, and sincerely confessed his sin.

Unable to suppress a soft sigh, Doctor Shang had obviously made a certain assessment of the identity and intelligence level of his opponent this round. Sitting down calmly on the sofa, he poured himself a glass of wine and calmly played with the wand in his hand, "So, you were sent by Loki – Who did he tell you to capture?"

"No, no, we were not sent by His Highness Loki, nor has His Highness Loki's name ever come out of our mouths." The other blood clan member shook his head in a huff and made a vehement denial before looking at him again warily, "You hold a wand in your hand and by all reasoning you should be a wizard, but the man we are looking for is not a wizard."

Thoughts raced through his mind as to why he was being targeted in the first place. Shang Haojia suppressed his vague unease and didn't move to sip his wine, instead he leaned his body back into the sofa, and asked a patient, rhetorical question, "Then why have you come for me?"

As if he was stumped by the question, the blood clan member hesitated for a long time before pulling a photo out of his pocket, "We're looking for this male human. The elf said he knew this human and that he was inside the bar."

Seeing his stupid ID photo in the pale, withered hand, Doctor Shang lifted his gaze and looked kindly at the elf who had slunk over close to his side.

An Muxi had regained his human appearance and shrank back from his gaze, but still slunk honestly to the edge of the sofa and sat down, "I told you I was drunk, I didn't look closely..."

"Look, let me help you sort this out – Firstly, you're looking for an ordinary human, am I an ordinary human?" Not bothering to pay any attention to the useless elf, Doctor Shang quickly launched himself into his professional form, leaning forward patiently and looking at the two blood clan members in front of him.

The question was not a difficult one, and the two blood clan members shook their heads without hesitation, their movements seemingly in unison, "No, you are a wizard."

"Very good." Doctor Shang nodded in satisfaction and encouragement. Taking his wand again, he tapped the glasses that had just been shoved on, "Secondly, I'm wearing glasses. Does the man in that picture wear glasses?"

"No, he's not wearing glasses." Encouraged by Doctor Shang, the blood clan member who had previously been chastised by his companion snapped out of it and nodded blissfully, "I see, this human is not you and you are not the one we are looking for."

"Very good, you may go now." It was barely a success, but there was no way to know if there would be any more surprises – after all, the villain's intelligence can't always be this impressive. Almost certain that he was being watched, Doctor Shang wiped the cold sweat from his palm without a trace, but with a vague heaviness in his heart.

"Wait." The other blood clan member suddenly pulled his companion back, and pulled out a book and a quill pen in a serious manner, "We still need to know the names of you two. The name Chips is too suspicious, it doesn't sound like the name of a good person."

"..." Shang Haojia took a deep breath and looked up with a straight face, "My name is Lays, the le from happy and the shi from trouble." (Angel: The name he gave is 乐事, Le Shi, which is the Chinese names for Lays. I left his name in English to keep the joke, but kept the spelling explanation in Mandarin.)

"Very good, that's a much more normal name, I know human society has the surname Le." The blood clan member nodded in satisfaction and looked over at An Muxi again, "Your turn, Mr. Elf, what's your name again?"

"I–" An Muxi was speechless for a moment. He met Shang Haojia's stern gaze for a long time before he finally sighed heavily in despair and bowed his head deeply in resignation, "Alright, I won't hide it from you guys, my name is Mosleyan..." (Angel: Mosleyan, 莫斯利安, is a high-end yoghurt brand.)

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Those two vampires sent for Doctor Shang were so stupid 😂🤣

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: October 2/3, 2021

Edited: August 3, 2023