Wilderness Vegetation Chapter 55

Chapter 55

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When Shen Zhi woke up, the room was very dark. Just as he reached out to find the remote control, someone nudged the curtains, which then opened automatically. As light poured in, Shen Zhi buried his face in the pillow. After a while, he lifted his head – his expression turned blank, and his eyes wandered as he stared blankly at Xu Yan, who was walking to the bedside with a cup of hot milk and then sat down.

Maintaining his head-up position, Shen Zhi began to suspect that last night might not have been a dream but reality – No, there was no need to doubt, it really wasn't a dream, it had actually happened, and that was why Xu Yan was here this morning.

"Get up and wash up, then drink the milk," Xu Yan said.

Shen Zhi still didn't move, looking dazed. Xu Yan waited patiently for him. After a long time, Shen Zhi finally sat up and, with a hoarse voice, started to speak, "You..."

He had dreamed of such a scene countless times – whether before going to sleep or after waking up, Xu Yan was always by his side. But only this time did the sense of reality feel so strong, so strong that it was impossible to doubt.

Xu Yan placed the milk on the bedside table. "Why are you looking at me like that? Haven't you seen me before?"

Shen Zhi shook his head slightly and softly asked, "Why did you... come?" Why did you come last night, and why did you stay?

"Why else? To see you."

In truth, whatever reason Xu Yan had for coming to see him didn't matter. Shen Zhi's eyes reddened as he smiled and reached out to hug Xu Yan, who just sat there without dodging.

In that moment when their bodies were supposed to collide, Shen Zhi felt nothing solid – he hadn't hugged Xu Yan, only grasped at empty air – Xu Yan had disappeared. Shen Zhi fell toward the floor, but he simply closed his eyes calmly.

Thud – Shen Zhi opened his eyes as he hit the ground. The room was dark, and he was alone.

He was used to it.

Shen Zhi had gotten used to seeing Xu Yan in his dreams and then losing him at the last moment. No matter how real a dream felt, it was still just a dream, and eventually, one had to wake up. He had grown accustomed to this feeling of loss.

But the period after waking up was always hard to bear. Shen Zhi pressed his hand to his aching chest, took a deep breath, and slowly sat up.

He vaguely remembered the dream from the previous night, he had dreamt that Xu Yan cried and looked so sad. Shen Zhi thought, luckily it was just a dream – he didn't want to see Xu Yan so heartbroken. But at the same time, he felt regretful that in the dream, he could wish Xu Yan a happy birthday face to face, which he couldn't do in reality.

After washing up, he went to the closet. Xu Yan's wardrobe was still open. Shen Zhi bent down to pick up the grey sweatshirt he had held in his arms the night before, put it on a hanger, and hung it up. Then, he carefully moved the clothes that had been pushed to the other side back to their original places. He stood there for a while, then finally closed the wardrobe door.

He left the closet, opened the curtains, and walked out onto the balcony. The bottles on the table were askew, looking as messy and dishevelled as he felt. There was no sun this morning, and the wind was warm and heavy, matching the overcast sky.

Another new day, with nothing to look forward to.

Xu Yan had the day off. He had left Shen Zhi's house around one in the morning. After Shen Zhi had said "Happy Birthday," he had fallen asleep, and Xu Yan didn't know why he stayed by the bed for another hour.

After going to bed at three in the morning, Xu Yan woke up at eleven and went to his parents' house for lunch.

"Ge, why are your eyes so swollen?" Xu Nian asked as he leaned over while Xu Yan was sipping soup.

"...... Didn't sleep well," Xu Yan replied.

"What's the matter? Something on your mind?" Xu Nian glanced at him sideways. "Haven't you been working non-stop for a long time? You finally get a day off, and you still can't sleep well. How could that be?"

Xu Yan: "Don't provoke me on my birthday, okay?"

Xu Nian slowly sat upright, remained silent for three seconds, and then shouted, "Mom—! Ge's going to hit me!"

After resting for half a day, Xu Yan went to the office in the evening to handle some work. After finishing, he planned to go to the bar where Ji Huai and the others were throwing him a birthday party.

Xu Nian got into the car with him, chattering all the way. Xu Yan let his words go in one ear and out the other. Last night had been emotionally exhausting, he hadn't cried like that in years, and it had left him feeling utterly drained.

"What are you doing, Ge? What's going on?" Xu Nian had been chattering to himself for a while without getting any response, so he snapped his fingers next to Xu Yan's ear. "You definitely didn't just not sleep well. What happened?"

Xu Yan stared straight ahead, speaking calmly, "I think I might disappoint you."

Xu Nian froze and took a sharp breath. "Are you going to be the 1?"

"......" Xu Yan couldn't be bothered to respond. But leaving the sentence hanging made Xu Nian uncomfortable, scratching his head and feeling restless. He kept asking, "Ge, what do you mean? Finish your sentence. Don't be so uncooperative, or I'll get down on my knees and beg you right now."

The scene was familiar – it was like back in high school when they lived in the dormitory. One night, Xu Yan was secretly using his phone and sent Xu Nian a message: I have something to tell you.

Xu Nian, who was also secretly using his phone in the sophomore dormitory building, replied instantly: What is it?! What is it?!

Xu Yan: Forget it, I won't say.

No matter how much Xu Nian bombarded him with messages, Xu Yan didn't reply again. So, at eleven that night, Xu Nian, dressed in his pyjamas, climbed down from the third floor using the drainpipe and then up to the second-floor balcony of the senior dormitory. He crossed mountains and rivers just to ask his brother face-to-face: "Quickly tell me, what's the matter?!"

Xu Yan looked eyes with his brother in the dark for a few seconds, then decisively called the dorm manager to send Xu Nian back to the sophomore dormitory. As Xu Nian was being escorted away by security, he kept shouting, "What the hell is going on?!"

When they arrived at the office, Xu Nian was still asking what the matter was. Xu Yan just left him with a "Wait for me in the car" and got out. Xu Nian wasn't having it, cursing angrily before quickly following him out of the car.

He stuck close to Xu Yan like a conjoined twin, muttering, "Hurry up and tell me, hurry up, hurry up." Xu Yan checked his phone while walking. Lu Sen mentioned that he had also come to the office and suggested going to the bar together later.

Suddenly, Xu Nian fell silent. After a couple of quiet seconds, he whispered, "Oh wow, is that one of your company's models? That figure is really..."

His voice trailed off weirdly as the person approaching them raised his head. Xu Yan, curious, looked up too, and almost didn't recognise the person at first glance.

Shen Zhi wasn't wearing a suit, just a plain white T-shirt, with a pair of black-framed glasses, and his hair casually draped over his forehead. The glasses seemed ordinary and heavy on their own, but perched on his nose, they appeared sophisticated. For a moment, Xu Yan thought he was seeing Shen Zhi from their university days.

Xu Yan had seen him just last night, asleep with tear-streaked cheeks. In less than a day, Shen Zhi had returned to normal, seemingly flawless. No one knew how many times such breakdowns and recoveries had occurred in him.

He had treated last night as a dream, Xu Yan knew because Shen Zhi had once said, "I don't want to see you cry even in my dreams."

Shen Zhi wasn't working today. He had visited Lan Qiuchen's private clinic in the afternoon and was now stopping by the office to pick up some stamped documents for a colleague. He knew Xu Yan had the day off, so he hadn't expected to run into him – But even if Xu Yan were at the office, Shen Zhi wouldn't have done anything, he knew clearly that he shouldn't see Xu Yan again.

As their eyes met, Shen Zhi was the first to look away.

Even with just one glance, Shen Zhi could sense that Xu Yan didn't seem to be in good spirits. He looked exhausted. Shen Zhi wanted to say what he had said in his dream yesterday: Take care of yourself, get plenty of rest, and eat on time.

But he could only remain silent.

On the contrary, it was Xu Nian who broke the ice, remembering their long-term business relationship with Yixin. Whatever else, the professional rapport was something to maintain, especially since Shen Zhi's attitude towards their company's work was well-known. So Xu Nian greeted him, "Mr. Shen, what a coincidence."

Shen Zhi looked at him and nodded slightly. "Mr. Xu."

After a brief exchange, the three of them walked past each other. Once inside the building, Xu Nian remarked, "Actually, every time he calls me 'Mr. Xu,' I feel a lot of pressure. No one else makes me feel that way when they call me that."

Xu Yan said nothing. Xu Nian stood there in a daze for a while before suddenly exclaiming, "Ge, the disappointing thing you mentioned is..."

Before he could finish his sentence, he quickly denied himself: "No, no, it can't be, you two don't look like people who want to get back together at all."

Xu Yan remained silent, but deep down, he really enjoyed watching Xu Nian's silly solo performance.

Upstairs, Xu Nian rushed to find Lu Sen while Xu Yan headed to the photo studio before returning to his office to sort out some things, birthday gifts from brands and celebrity studios that had been arriving intermittently.

Feeling a bit scattered, Xu Yan stood by the floor-to-ceiling window and lit a cigarette. Looking down, he noticed that Shen Zhi hadn't left yet and was standing by his car, making a phone call. He could see the hem of Shen Zhi's T-shirt fluttering slightly in the evening breeze, the soft sunlight casting a gentle glow at his feet, like a tree growing in the summer.

Shen Zhi stood there, tall and slender, but Xu Yan's mind flashed to the image of him curled up in the wardrobe.

Xu Yan thought Shen Zhi was like a solitary wild goose, trapped in a forest of memories, unwilling to rest on any cold branches.

Relationships between people are actually very simple and also very cruel. As long as one person no longer gives even a glimmer of attention, the other will eventually give up, and both will move towards a future with no intersections. Before last night, Xu Yan had decided this, and Shen Zhi, who cried while saying, "I won't bother you," must have also made a similar decision.

But no one, not even Shen Zhi himself, could estimate how long he would continue like this.

At this point, Xu Yan could no longer doubt Shen Zhi's feelings, but what made him hesitate was whether those feelings, like all the unchanged details in Shen Zhi's home, were still stuck in the past – could they generate new love between them?

What if they repeated the same mistakes? What if everything reverted to the old patterns? What if Xu Yan couldn't return to the state of loving Shen Zhi? Xu Yan hated unbalanced feelings the most; he had too many concerns and couldn't bear another failure.

But if you trace all these concerns back to the starting point, you'll find the real question is simple – are you willing to try?

Are you willing to give Shen Zhi a chance, and also give yourself a chance?

As Xu Yan quietly finished his cigarette, Shen Zhi ended his call, lowered his hand, and bowed his head, looking exhausted. After a while, Shen Zhi looked at his phone, seeming to hesitate, then tapped the screen a few times.

Not two seconds later, Xu Yan's phone chimed with a message from an unfamiliar number: Happy birthday, take care of yourself.

Xu Yan immediately called the number.

He put the phone to his ear and saw Shen Zhi's entire body freeze when he received the call, instinctively looking back, but finding no one behind him. Shen Zhi then looked up at the company's building, but the glass was one-way, and Xu Yan stood motionless by the window.

After ten seconds, Shen Zhi answered the call.

He didn't speak, and Xu Yan could hear his breathing, suppressed yet slightly quickened.

"What do you mean by sending me the memory cards and USB drives?" Xu Yan asked.

"I thought there were a lot of photos you took, so they should be returned to you." Shen Zhi's voice was a bit hoarse. He had wanted to apologise, but Xu Yan had previously told him not to say sorry anymore. So, he said, "A few years ago, when you asked me to find them, I actually did, but at that time..."

At that time, he hadn't expected everything to develop like that later on, hadn't expected Xu Yan to completely cut ties and move to another country.

"Then you went abroad, and I never had the chance to give them to you," Shen Zhi said.

"It's too late to give them to me now, I don't need them anymore."

"Then could I..."

The wind picked up outside, and Shen Zhi's next words were blown away. Xu Yan asked, "What?"

"Could you give them to me," Shen Zhi paused, "if you don't want them?"

Xu Yan felt a tightness in his chest, making it hard to breathe. He could already imagine that if he gave Shen Zhi those memory cards, Shen Zhi would surely take them back and put them in the original desk drawer.

Just like everything in that house that Xu Yan had abandoned three years ago, Shen Zhi had preserved them all, unchanged, self-tortuously living day after day in the most familiar scenes, while the other person from the past would never return.

Why bother? Isn't it exhausting? Xu Yan wanted to ask him, but thinking back to his own reckless years, perhaps it could all be summed up with those six words.

"What for?" Xu Yan asked. "Do you have a habit of collecting old things?"

Shen Zhi looked at the ground. Under the setting sun, his shadow stretched long and thin. He knew this was probably the last phone call he and Xu Yan would have. He should have felt sad, but at least he got to receive this call, which was a pleasant surprise.

He smiled slightly and said, "Maybe a little."

"Okay," Xu Yan replied, "Then I'll think about it."

There were a few seconds of silence, only the sound of the wind passing through the phone.

Finally, Shen Zhi said, "Xu Yan, happy birthday."

Xu Yan replied with a simple "Mhmm," followed by, "Thanks."

———

The author has something to say:

Shen Zhi: It's over... (tears)

But Shen Zhi, you're getting a wife in the next chapter. Go home and check the surveillance, or maybe chat with the security guard. Your wife really did come by.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: October 5, 2024 by Angel

Edited: October 27, 2024 by Angel