Wilderness Vegetation Chapter 37

Chapter 37

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In March, Xu Yan and Lu Sen went on a business trip to Italy. After returning, Xu Yan took three days off and attended Li Ziyou's wedding.

On the day of the wedding, Xu Yan left home early, went to the office to pick up some things, then went back to his parents' house for breakfast and some rest. After that, the family driver took him to the high-speed rail station where he bought a ticket and boarded the train.

He arrived at the wedding venue around noon. Many familiar faces from university were among the guests. Li Ziyou, dressed in her wedding gown, rushed over to hug Xu Yan as soon as she saw him. The hug lasted so long that the groom became jealous.

"Xu Yan, I'm so glad you could come," Li Ziyou looked at him with sparkling eyes.

Xu Yan felt a bit puzzled but smiled and said, "Of course I had to come."

"Where's Shen Zhi, didn't he come with you?"

Many of their close friends knew about their relationship, especially since they had lived together after graduation, it was impossible to hide. Xu Yan didn't want to spoil the mood, if he mentioned their breakup, Li Ziyou might start questioning him. He nodded vaguely, "We didn't come together."

"That makes sense, you two are not in the same place now. We thought you had broken up, but then someone asked Shen Zhi, but he said no, and told us not to bother you."

"Mhmm." Xu Yan smiled faintly and gave a vague response.

He went to his seat and noticed that the chair next to his had Shen Zhi's name on it. After sitting for less than a minute, his phone rang. Xu Yan answered, "Hello."

Hearing the noise in the background, Shen Zhi understood but still asked, "Have you arrived?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'm driving now, see you soon."

After hanging up, Shen Zhi glanced at the door of Xu Yan's house, turned towards the elevator, and walked away, holding a bag of cold breakfast – after waiting too long at the door, it couldn't be helped that the breakfast had gone cold.

By the time Shen Zhi arrived, lunch had already been underway for over half an hour. Xu Yan was leaning against the long table chatting with university friends. When Shen Zhi walked up to him, Xu Yan only glanced up. Someone asked why Shen Zhi was so late, to which he replied, "Something came up."

After lunch, they had some drinks, and the formal part of the wedding began. Most of the attendees at the afternoon outdoor wedding were friends and classmates of the bride and groom, with no elders present, creating a relaxed atmosphere. When Li Ziyou threw the bouquet, everyone crowded to the front. Xu Yan, finding their excitement amusing, smiled as he clapped. As he leaned back against his chair, he instinctively turned his head and met Shen Zhi's gaze – Shen Zhi had been watching him.

Feeling a bit awkward, Xu Yan quickly looked away. Shen Zhi used to never look at him, even when he did, it was a cold glance, as if looking at furniture. Now, being watched like this, Xu Yan felt uncomfortable, the intense focus of Shen Zhi's gaze burning into him, scalding.

"How is Lin Mian?" Xu Yan asked a little abruptly, taking a sip from his wine glass.

"She applied to a school and is preparing to go abroad for her PhD," Shen Zhi replied. "Her parents were terrified by the jumping incident and stopped pressuring her. But Lin Mian herself wanted to study abroad."

Xu Yan nodded, "She completely broke up with her boyfriend."

"Mhmm."

"That's good," Xu Yan said. "Everyone did their best, though it was a bit tragic, at least there are no regrets."

Just as Shen Zhi was about to speak, a sudden cheer erupted from the crowd. A bouquet flew out from the crowd, its long ribbons arcing through the air – Li Ziyou had thrown it too hard, the bouquet flew high and, surprisingly, landed in Xu Yan's lap, spilling half of his wine in the process.

Everyone turned to see Xu Yan holding the bouquet. Several friends who knew about his relationship with Shen Zhi started making suggestive noises. Someone whistled and joked, "Xu Yan, you've caught the bouquet, hurry up and kiss the handsome guy next to you!"

Another person chimed in, "Kiss him, and you two will be the next to get married!"

Even those who were unaware joined in, chanting "Kiss! Kiss!" Xu Yan suddenly felt like the centre of attention, caught off guard and awkward. Adding to the discomfort, the alcohol slowed his thinking, leaving him unsure how to react. Just as he was about to laugh it off, Shen Zhi suddenly grabbed his wrist, not his hand, but his wrist, in a way that seemed normal and not overly intimate.

Shen Zhi helped Xu Yan stand up, took the wine glass from his hand, and placed it on the chair. He looked at Li Ziyou and calmly deflected the attention, "Ziyou, it seems like you and the groom haven't kissed yet."

Before Li Ziyou could respond, Shen Zhi continued, "Xu Yan has had too much to drink and feels a bit dizzy from the sun. I'll take him to rest for a while, you guys continue having fun."

He then grabbed Xu Yan's wrist and led him towards the hall. Xu Yan stumbled a few steps, holding onto the bouquet, and followed behind. The way they tugged each other along looked almost like... Li Ziyou shouted, "Why are you two acting like you're eloping!"

Xu Yan stared at Shen Zhi's shoulder. He had never seriously considered marrying Shen Zhi before. Not only because it was unlikely to be legally possible in the country, but also because Shen Zhi always seemed like someone who wouldn't stay with him for the long haul. Xu Yan had always been anxious and fearful, never daring to think about marriage.

As they stepped from sunlight into the shade of the trees, Shen Zhi didn't take Xu Yan back to the hall but stopped under a tree. The weather was warming up in March, and the sunlight felt pleasantly comfortable. Laughter could be heard from a distance, making it a serene moment just standing there. Xu Yan tried to pull his hand away, and Shen Zhi loosened his grip slightly but didn't let go, instead, he slid his hand down to hold Xu Yan's palm.

Xu Yan looked up and saw that Shen Zhi was staring at the bouquet, a bit lost in thought.

"What, want to get married?" Xu Yan asked casually. He didn't think he understood Shen Zhi well, but at that moment, he had a strange feeling that Shen Zhi was indeed thinking about it – though he was probably wrong, and he regretted asking as soon as he spoke.

Shen Zhi was startled and raised his eyes to look at him. Xu Yan took advantage of his distraction to pull his hand away. Holding the bouquet, he stood facing Shen Zhi under the tree, with lush green grass and warm afternoon sunlight around them. In the past, Xu Yan might have used this moment, with a bit of alcohol courage, to jokingly propose to Shen Zhi.

He could imagine Shen Zhi's reaction – looking at him coldly with no expression and saying, "Boring," before walking away.

This was their unchangeable past. Even if Shen Zhi now regretted his mistakes, it was too late to make amends. Whenever Xu Yan thought of this, he would immediately sober up.

Some things were very simple. Love was love, and not love was not love. If you were constantly anxious and suspicious, desperately looking for signs of love in every detail, that kind of relationship was bound to fail. Xu Yan had already failed once, the outcome was there for all to see, who wouldn't be scared by that?

Because the painful and bitter parts of their relationship outweighed the joy, he couldn't bring himself to try again.

"Xu Yan, am I really that awful?" Shen Zhi looked at him for a long time and suddenly asked.

His expression was serious, not joking or playing the victim. Xu Yan pressed his tongue against his teeth, wanting to dismiss it with, "How would I know, it's none of my business," but he couldn't.

Xu Yan replied, "Yes, you were awful."

To the point that Xu Yan couldn't help but feel a kind of admiration for his past self. How he, a simple guy who liked good looks, fell into such a bottomless pit and wandered blindly for four years, was a mystery.

Soft music began playing at the wedding venue, signalling a sentimental part of the event. Xu Yan turned his head to look, and a cold breeze brushed past his ear. He heard Shen Zhi say, "I was so awful, yet you liked me... for so long."

Xu Yan was a bit stunned but maintained his posture of looking at the crowd. His Adam's apple moved, and he casually said, "Yes, but that's all in the past."

He couldn't bring himself to say something like, "Let's forget it all, it's all in the past." He couldn't forget. The happy memories were pitifully few, most were cold, silent, lonely, and quiet. Like a torch burning in a snowy wilderness, with no end in sight, just burning slowly and painfully, year after year. When the last puff of black smoke finally extinguished, what remained was a "good breakup".

But Xu Yan didn't want a good breakup. He had left decisively, knowing that the fire hadn't burned out. That's why he didn't want to see Shen Zhi, didn't want to talk to him, didn't want any ties with him. It was like jumping off a cliff, Xu Yan leapt with reckless abandon. Whether he lived or died was his own business, it was better than living in self-pity. As for Shen Zhi's reaction, it was no longer relevant to him.

But Shen Zhi held onto him, refusing to let go, leaving him hanging on the edge, unable to move forward or fall freely. Climbing back up to repeat the same mistakes was impossible, yet Shen Zhi wouldn't let him drop, making both of them miserable and exhausted.

No one spoke, and the wind rustled the leaves. The music grew louder, and they finally heard the lyrics of the song.

......

There's a choice in everything

Though I always only know of it after things end

Emotions are annoying, and it's hard to talk

Communication between people

Is sometimes useless

Maybe only you know me

So you didn't escape

Hold me tight while crying

Whisper how much you love me

......

Why play such a sad song at a wedding? Xu Yan blinked, never meeting Shen Zhi's gaze again, and walked back to the venue holding the bouquet.

After enough fun with friends in the afternoon, the evening saw Li Ziyou returning to the hotel in a dignified manner, preparing for the formal wedding. Xu Yan, Shen Zhi, and other university classmates sat at the same table. Since he had to catch a high-speed train home that night, Xu Yan didn't touch any alcohol. Shen Zhi didn't either. Each had a glass of red wine in front of them that remained untouched throughout the evening.

After the formalities, Li Ziyou, along with her groom, toasted the elders and then made her way alone to Xu Yan's table, dragging her wedding dress. The others got up to chat with acquaintances, leaving Xu Yan and Shen Zhi seated. When Li Ziyou arrived, they both picked up their wine glasses.

The three clinked glasses, Xu Yan and Shen Zhi took a sip, while Li Ziyou downed half of hers. She then set her glass down and looked at Xu Yan seriously.

"Xu Yan, I've always wanted to thank you in person."

Xu Yan replied, "Hmm?"

Li Ziyou said softly, "That email, you sent it to me, right?"

Xu Yan was momentarily stunned, then smiled vaguely without speaking. Li Ziyou continued, "After I received the email, I kept thinking about it. That night, it seemed like you were always stopping me from drinking, so I thought it might be you."

"Later, I directly asked Qiu Hao if he had such intentions, if he planned to get me drunk."

Shen Zhi, who had been silent, frowned slightly and suddenly asked, "When did this happen?"

"In our third year, on the night of your birthday," Li Ziyou said. "Qiu Hao initially tried to deny it, but then he admitted it. He even had Xu Yan use his ID to book a room."

Shen Zhi stared at her intently, an intense, inexplicable premonition rising in his heart. His fingers tightened around the stem of his wine glass, his knuckles turning white.

"I asked him to show me his phone. I went through his chat records with his friends and found out he had even drugged me."

A chill ran through Xu Yan's heart. "Fuck." He asked Li Ziyou, "What happened to you that night?"

"Nothing much. I went back with my roommate, washed up, and went to bed. I probably didn't drink the drugged wine." Li Ziyou seemed to recall something and asked Shen Zhi, "Shen Zhi, did you hear of anyone feeling unwell that night..."

Before she could finish, there was a thud. Xu Yan turned to see Shen Zhi's wine glass hit the table edge and drop to the carpet with a dull sound. The wine quickly drained, spreading a dark stain on the carpet.

Shen Zhi obviously wasn't someone who was so careless that he couldn't even hold a wine glass steady. Xu Yan was surprised and looked up – under the light, he saw a face that was utterly lost, pale and colourless.

———

The author has something to say:

Freedom, Yoga Lin

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: July 22, 2024 by Angel

Edited: September 7, 2024 by Angel