Wilderness Vegetation Chapter 35

Chapter 35

---

On the twelfth day of the first lunar month, Xu Nian and Ye Xuan held their wedding. There were many groomsmen, among whom were Xu Yan and Ji Huai. The whole day passed in a frantic rush, with Xu Nian telling Xu Yan at least twenty times, "Ge, I am so nervous."

"I know, you've wrinkled my sleeve." Xu Yan pulled Xu Nian's hand away. "Relax, I'm your comrade."

Xu Nian, already in a daze, replied, "Comrade? What comrade?! That's you, not me!" (Angel: 同志 is frequently used as slang for somebody who is gay.)

Xu Yan scoffed and went to find a place to smoke. Xu Nian then turned to Ji Huai and lamented, "Waaah, Ji Huai Ge, seeing you makes me feel more at ease than seeing my own brother..." Hearing this, Xu Yan turned his head and saw Ji Huai smiling faintly at Xu Nian, just like he did when they were younger.

So, in reality, all emotions have traces to follow, but some people would never know.

As the wedding began, Xu Yan and Ji Huai each gave Xu Nian a hug before watching him walk up to the beautiful platform. Lu Sen, standing below with a camera, made eye contact with Xu Yan and waved. Xu Yan raised his hand and waved back.

When it came time to exchange rings, the groom's ring was originally supposed to be delivered by Xu Yan, but Ji Huai suddenly asked, "Can I do it?"

Xu Yan didn't react immediately, and Ji Huai smiled, saying, "Just let me fulfil a wish, to stand with him for a few seconds."

Xu Yan couldn't bear to look at that smile and handed the ring box to him, saying, "Of course, Nian Nian already said he feels more at ease seeing you than his own brother."

Ji Huai took the ring and walked up to the stage. Xu Nian's eyes were already red, and Xu Yan suspected his brother would start crying in public any second. Ji Huai patted Xu Nian on the shoulder and handed him the ring. Xu Nian turned around, moving his mouth, and Xu Yan could tell he called Ji Huai "Ge."

It truly lasted only a few seconds. They stood on the stage in their suits, Xu Nian taking the ring and placing it on Ye Xuan's finger, while Ji Huai turned and stepped down.

"If it were me, I probably couldn't imagine watching the person I love get married, but you're standing here as his groomsman, giving him the ring," Xu Yan said after Ji Huai came down.

Ji Huai smiled slightly. "This is already the best relationship I can achieve with him, I'm content."

He said he was content, but it was nearly ten years of unrequited love. Such contentment seemed too unconvincing. But Xu Yan knew that Ji Huai sincerely hoped Xu Nian would be happy.

"The reason you can't imagine it now is because you still have hope," Ji Huai said slowly. "Once you truly accept that you can never be together, watching him get married won't seem that hard."

How strange, he could grit his teeth and harden his heart in front of Shen Zhi, but hearing Ji Huai's words, Xu Yan hesitated and was unable to respond immediately.

Stories always have endings, whether joyful or sad. But for the people in the story – Xu Yan looked up at the dim, fragmented lights and thought of Shen Zhi. Eighteen-year-old Shen Zhi, nineteen-year-old Shen Zhi, twenty-year-old Shen Zhi... and the Shen Zhi after that. There were too many memories of him, rooted in his mind, drifting and floating, it was impossible to predict how much of his life these memories would occupy.

When the wedding ended, Xu Yan and Ji Huai went to eat at the table, and Lu Sen joined them. Xu Yan introduced them, "Lu Sen, TIDE photographer, my boss."

"Ji Huai, my childhood friend."

"Hello." Lu Sen extended his hand to Ji Huai. "I heard you on the phone in the corridor earlier, do you work in London?"

"Mhmm." Ji Huai politely shook his hand and quickly let go.

Lu Sen nodded and smiled. "Your pronunciation is very nice."

The wedding ended around midnight. Several groomsmen got drunk from blocking toasts, and Xu Nian wasn't much better off. He wrapped his left arm around Xu Yan and his right around Ji Huai, the three of them leaning crookedly against the table. Xu Nian laughed foolishly, saying to Ye Xuan, who was sitting in a chair, "They are all my brothers!"

Ye Xuan, in her wedding dress, rested her chin on her hand and lowered her eyes to look at him, smiling. "I know, you've said it many times."

"Ji Huai Ge is the best! Xu Yan is a big idiot!" Xu Nian shouted.

Xu Yan couldn't be bothered to respond. Ji Huai turned and smiled at Xu Nian, saying, "Nian Nian, happy wedding, thank you for letting me be your groomsman."

Thank you for inviting me to witness your love.

He said it so calmly and lightly, but Xu Yan suddenly turned his head away, his Adam's apple moving as he choked back tears in silence.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have all their feelings reciprocated. Longing might not always be answered. Some are deceived by fate yet find solace alone. Some have their hearts frozen over long periods. Some smile and say, "Happy wedding." Some receive a belated "I love you."

Unfortunate yet fortunate.

Lu Sen picked up his camera and took a photo of the three of them in a mess on the ground.

As the guests dispersed, Xu Shen and Fang Hui also went home. At the hotel entrance, Xu Nian hooked his arm around Xu Yan's neck, murmuring in his ear. Xu Yan, feeling dizzy, asked, "What?"

"Ge... the last time you went to Japan, I called you... who was the person in your room?"

Xu Yan looked at him with an indescribable expression.

"I heard him ask if you wanted some water... At the time... I didn't recognise it, but later, after thinking about it..." Xu Nian smacked his lips, "it sounded like Shen Zhi's voice."

"Was it Shen Zhi?" Xu Nian asked.

Xu Yan remained silent for a while, "Yes."

"He came to see you... he came to see you many times, right..." Xu Nian moved closer and whispered, "Ge, do you still like him?"

Xu Yan didn't respond, and Xu Nian muttered, "Don't like him anymore, he wasn't good to you at all before... Besides, I have a friend who told me that Shen Zhi has been sidelined in his company by his dad... he has no real power now, it's really tragic, there must be some family conflict..."

"What are you two doing?" Lu Sen turned around. "The driver is here."

After putting Xu Nian and Ye Xuan in the car, Xu Yan stood there, drunk, only remembering that Xu Nian had said Shen Zhi had been sidelined in the company – Why? He knew Shen Zhi's parents were strict and harsh, and he knew Shen Zhi had once quarrelled with his family because of his relationship with Xu Yan, but now they were completely separated, why was this still happening?

Ji Huai's driver arrived and helped him into the car. Just as he was about to close the door, a hand reached out to stop him. Ji Huai looked up, and there stood Lu Sen, lazily smiling at him. "You dropped something." Ji Huai didn't say anything, his expression indifferent. Lu Sen leaned in and pinned a white rose to Ji Huai's suit pocket – it was the groomsman's boutonnière.

"Your white rose." After pinning it, Lu Sen fiddled with the petals, straightened up, and smiled, "Bye-bye."

Ji Huai slowly looked at him, "Thank you."

The car drove off, and Lu Sen turned back to call Xu Yan to the car to take him home, only to see Xu Yan staring in a certain direction. Following his gaze, Lu Sen saw a car parked by the flower bed not far away, with someone standing next to it.

"I haven't settled the score with you for last time," Lu Sen said in a low voice as he walked up to Xu Yan. "You don't expect me to play the role of your lover again tonight, do you?"

That would be too boring and ridiculous. Xu Yan shook his head, and Lu Sen instantly felt unburdened. "Good, then I'll head back first. Let me know when you get home, and if you don't, also let me know, goodnight." After saying that, he walked towards his own car. Xu Yan didn't react immediately, and by the time he did, Lu Sen had already driven past him, lowering the window to wave goodbye.

Xu Yan looked at Shen Zhi. Since returning from Japan, Shen Zhi hadn't appeared again, even though it had only been a few days. During this period, Xu Yan received a call from him late one night. There was no sound after he answered, only light breathing. Xu Yan didn't speak either, and after two minutes of mutual silence, Xu Yan hung up.

After looking at each other for a minute, Shen Zhi walked towards Xu Yan. Gradually seeing the face clearly, Xu Yan thought that if he touched his face, he wouldn't feel much flesh. Every time he saw Shen Zhi, he noticed he had lost a little bit of weight again.

Step by step, Shen Zhi's fingertips unconsciously curled. When he reached Xu Yan, Shen Zhi's Adam's apple moved. He looked at Xu Yan and said, "Xu Nian got married." – A statement that didn't sound like a statement, a question that didn't sound like a question, more like he didn't know what would be appropriate to say, so he started with this.

"Mhmm."

Shen Zhi's eyelashes were long, and when they hung down because he was in poor spirits, the shadows would obscure his pupils, making them hard to see. He took off his coat and draped it over Xu Yan, saying, "I'll take you home."

"Aren't you tired?" Xu Yan suddenly asked.

Not tired? That night in Otaru, when he kissed Shen Zhi while calling someone else's name, Xu Yan thought it would be a huge blow to Shen Zhi, enough to make him give up completely. But why hadn't he? To the point where Xu Yan now felt tired, felt the hardship, and felt the torment on Shen Zhi's behalf whenever he saw him.

Shen Zhi was startled and averted his eyes, "I'm not tired, you never felt tired before."

In the past few years, he had been so bad and indifferent towards Xu Yan, yet Xu Yan never complained. So, what right did he have to say he was tired?

"I said I wanted to pursue you," Shen Zhi said in a low voice. "As long as you're not with someone else."

As for what would happen if Xu Yan were really with someone else, Shen Zhi hadn't considered that possibility, didn't dare think about it, didn't want to think about it. People always have an instinct to seek benefits and avoid harm.

"I will be with someone else eventually," Xu Yan indifferently raised his eyes, "It's just a matter of time."

Shen Zhi's back stiffened. He quickly lowered his eyes, turned around to open the passenger door, and stood there, showing a profile that looked silent and dejected, as if avoiding the conversation.

"Get in the car, Xu Yan." His voice was a bit hoarse, "Let me take you home."

———

The author has something to say:

Thank you for the special invitation to witness your love – Guest by Zhang Yuan.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

Previous Chapter | TOC | Next Chapter

Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: July 16, 2024 by Angel

Edited: August 3, 2024 by Angel