Wilderness Vegetation Chapter 34

Chapter 34

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The next day, Xu Yan woke up around nine. Turning his head, he saw the adjacent bed was neatly made – Shen Zhi had already left. Xu Yan lay in bed for a while before getting up to wash. Today, the entire team was heading to Sapporo, but since the workload wasn't substantial, Lu Sen had allowed everyone to sleep in.

Perhaps because he hadn't slept well the night before, Xu Yan wasn't awakened when Shen Zhi left in the morning. He couldn't quite describe his feelings, but he felt that this was for the best.

After washing up, Xu Yan changed his clothes. Suddenly, there was a gentle knock on the door. Since there was no voice, it definitely wasn't the hotel staff, so it had to be Lu Sen and the others. Xu Yan continued dressing as he walked to the door and asked, "Are we leaving? I'll be ready in just a..."

Before he could finish saying "moment," he stopped mid-sentence – it was Shen Zhi standing outside. Xu Yan pulled down the half-worn T-shirt, and Shen Zhi's gaze followed the movement from Xu Yan's pale chest down to his waist. Once Xu Yan had finished dressing, Shen Zhi looked up and said, "I bought you breakfast."

There were faint dark circles under Shen Zhi's eyes, with noticeable red veins, and his eyelashes drooped – Shen Zhi's eyelashes would droop when he slept poorly and had poor spirits, and Xu Yan knew it best.

"No need," Xu Yan replied, turning back into the room to grab a sweater from the hanger. He thought Shen Zhi had left, but then Shen Zhi returned with breakfast. Xu Yan felt a sense of negation – it was as if, just when he thought everything was over and he could breathe, someone covered his mouth and told him: No, you're wrong. It's not over yet.

He could hardly breathe.

"Did I wake you up when I left this morning?" Shen Zhi asked as he closed the door and placed the breakfast on the table.

Xu Yan hadn't heard a thing, so you can imagine how lightly he put his movements, knowing how lightly Xu Yan slept. Xu Yan put on his jacket and said, "No."

"But you were very noisy last night," Xu Yan said coldly. "I don't know what you were doing up in the middle of the night, but I couldn't sleep well because of it."

He knew better than anyone what had happened to Shen Zhi last night.

Shen Zhi was taken aback, his face a bit pale, but he didn't explain. He simply said, "Sorry for disturbing your rest."

Xu Yan felt a sudden pang in his heart. He picked up his camera bag and grabbed his phone to leave. "I'll take the room card with me. Make sure to close the door when you leave." He heard Shen Zhi softly call his name, but without hesitation, Xu Yan opened the door and walked out.

Shen Zhi picked up a rice ball and a bottle of milk, intending to give them to Xu Yan, but the next second the door was shut. He stood there, staring at the door for a long time without moving.

The group arrived in Sapporo, and Lu Sen threw aside filming plans to take them skiing. After lunch, it was already past one o'clock. Finally, the great photographer Lu Sen remembered the shooting task, but after only a few hours, the sky darkened. Lu Sen told everyone to pack up and head back to Otaru, saying there was a good tavern there.

At the tavern, the group started gossiping. In this industry, there was no shortage of behind-the-scenes stories and scandals. Xu Yan didn't talk much, just listened, drank, and laughed, eventually feeling dizzy. Lu Sen asked him, "Dizzy?"

"A little," Xu Yan replied. After a moment of silence, he asked, "Can I use your name once?"

Lu Sen raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Not publicly, and it doesn't involve any benefits," Xu Yan, despite being drunk, remained clear-headed. "Just mentioning it in front of others, it won't affect you in any way."

"Mhmm-hmm." Lu Sen's fingers traced the rim of his glass. He said, "Alright, I agree."

After drinking for three hours and having their fill, the group slowly walked back. Lu Sen was the most sober, supporting Xu Yan all the way. As they approached the hotel entrance, he said to Xu Yan, "Hey, look up."

Xu Yan obediently lifted his head and saw Shen Zhi standing in the same spot as the previous day. Hearing the commotion, Shen Zhi also looked up and then walked towards them. Without acknowledging the others, he took Xu Yan from Lu Sen's arms. In front of the others, Xu Yan didn't resist. Lu Sen explained to their still-dazed colleagues, "Xu Yan's friend."

Only then did Shen Zhi nod at them and say, "I'll take Xu Yan upstairs." He put his arm around Xu Yan, guiding him up the steps. The two were so close that Xu Yan could smell the faint, lingering scent of cologne on Shen Zhi.

"Why are you still here?" Xu Yan asked him.

Shen Zhi paused and said, "I'll leave with you."

Xu Yan suddenly laughed but said nothing more.

Once in the room, Shen Zhi helped Xu Yan remove his coat and settled him on the bed before going to the bathroom to fetch a warm towel. Kneeling by the bed, he wiped Xu Yan's face and neck. Xu Yan frowned and turned his head away, saying, "Stop it."

"Okay." Shen Zhi hung the towel aside and asked, "Do you want some hot water?"

"No." Xu Yan raised his hand to cover his eyes, looking somewhat irritated. "Why is it so bright?"

Shen Zhi then turned off the bedroom light, leaving only the dim light from the living room. With the room now darkened, Xu Yan lowered his hand and opened his eyes to look at Shen Zhi. Neither of them spoke. Xu Yan saw something in Shen Zhi's eyes that he had never seen before, something he had never dared to imagine, but now it was there, though the best timing had already been missed.

Suddenly, Shen Zhi took hold of Xu Yan's hand that was hanging over the edge of the bed, his touch still cold. He sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at Xu Yan. He didn't hold tightly, as if leaving the choice to Xu Yan – stay in my hand or to pull away, either is fine.

Xu Yan's fingers moved slightly and gently grasped Shen Zhi's hand in return.

He heard Shen Zhi's breath catch, then Shen Zhi leaned closer, softly calling his name, "Xu Yan."

Xu Yan closed his eyes. "Mhmm."

A sense of oppression followed. The tips of their noses brushed together, and Shen Zhi bit Xu Yan's lower lip. At the same time, he intertwined his fingers with Xu Yan's, holding him tightly. Xu Yan let out a muffled moan, opened his mouth, and Shen Zhi's tongue slipped inside, tangling with his. Dizzy, Xu Yan instinctively swallowed and responded, his tongue and lips fiercely sucked by Shen Zhi. Saliva overflowed from the corner of his mouth, and the only sound in the room was their kissing.

Although their emotions were a mess, their bodies were always a perfect fit, and their post-kiss actions were ingrained in their subconscious. Shen Zhi's hand slipped under Xu Yan's sweater, pulling up his T-shirt from where it was tucked into his pants, and directly touched Xu Yan's waist without any hindrance. His hand was still a bit cold, causing Xu Yan to shiver and gasp as he tilted his head back. Shen Zhi lowered his head to kiss Xu Yan's Adam's apple – each swallow made that spot roll slightly against Shen Zhi's lips and tongue.

"Hiss..." Xu Yan felt the pain of his neck being bitten and gasped, calling out, "Lu Sen..."

In an instant, the scorching air seemed to be doused with ice water, turning into a dead, frozen mass. Although their breaths were still heavy and hurried, all movements halted abruptly, like a fervent movie being suddenly paused – with the sound continuing despite the frozen image.

Their breaths intermingled for a moment before Xu Yan heard Shen Zhi's hoarse question, "Who did you just call?"

The emotion in that voice was indescribable, both repressed and trembling. A bitter taste filled Xu Yan's throat, reaching the base of his tongue. He wiped his mouth and said blandly, "Sorry."

Shen Zhi was still leaning over Xu Yan, his chest seemingly filled with sharp ice spikes that caused excruciating pain with any slight movement, preventing him from straightening up. He slowly withdrew his hand, supported himself on the bed, and tightly clenched the bedsheet, barely managing to sit up. Even in the dim light, Xu Yan could clearly see the incredulous and hollow pain on his face.

At that moment, Xu Yan felt a pang of regret, wondering why things had to reach this point. Why had it come to this? How was he any different from Shen Zhi, who had called out "Yan Yan" after their kiss four years ago? Both actions led to mutual destruction.

But he had never intended to take revenge on Shen Zhi, he simply wanted a clean break.

He didn't want to see Shen Zhi suffer like this repeatedly, it was tormenting both of them. Xu Yan knew he could no longer love Shen Zhi with the same reckless abandon. He had always sought a reciprocal, two-way love. Unfortunately, Shen Zhi had been unwilling to give that before, and now Xu Yan himself couldn't give it either. So whether Shen Zhi loved him or how much he loved him didn't matter anymore.

Xu Yan had no interest in playing proud, testing Shen Zhi, or counting old debts for Shen Zhi to repay one by one. He genuinely had no such thoughts. When he had loved Shen Zhi, he had done so decisively, and letting go was the same. Since they had long missed their chance, there was no need to drag it out, it benefited no one.

"I'm tired." Xu Yan pushed Shen Zhi away, pulled the quilt over himself, and said, "Just pretend it never happened, don't think about it."

The wind outside continued to blow. A long time later, Shen Zhi responded, "Okay."

For some reason, hearing that word made tears almost burst from Xu Yan's eyes, dripping onto the pillow one after another. Xu Yan bit his lip, remaining silent. He sensed Shen Zhi staggering as he got up. Fearing Shen Zhi would see him crying, Xu Yan buried his face under the quilt.

After a long time, Xu Yan heard the soft sound of the door closing. He took a deep breath, reached out to turn on the light, and turned his head to see a cup of steaming water on the bedside table – left there by Shen Zhi before he left.

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The author has something to say:

Lu Sen: OMG

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: July 8, 2024 by Angel

Edited: August 25, 2024 by Angel