Dr. Ou's Psychotherapy Chapter 46

Redemption and Healing

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I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses.

~ By Friedrich Nietzsche

———

The treatment room was a mess. Discarded papers, electronic equipment, glassware, needles, scattered bandages, handwritten scripts, printed materials, and faded clothing were strewn about.

The rapid, long breaths, the sound of bodily fluids tangling and overlapping, stood out in the silence of the night.

The smell of blood stimulated the senses, giving a distinct pleasure to the thrill of life. Yi Zhize knew that his doctor had always enjoyed the thrill of the hunt, but he had never known why, and every intense love affair was often accompanied by the taste of real blood.

The more it happened, the more excited the doctor became. It was as if he was simply unaware of pain, unafraid of death, frantic and obsessive, as if he had lost his mind in the extreme indulgence.

So be it, Yi Zhize secretly sighed, his rationality, which he had been proud of for over twenty years, had finally collapsed after meeting this doctor.

So be it, Yi Zhize thought to himself: Schopenhauer preached a non-volitional will, Nietzsche advocated amoralism, Sartre believed that existence precedes essence, and irrationalism is destined to grow in the dark forest of reason.

No reason, no cause, instinctive impulses and fits, collisions and fusions, tears and pains, pleasures and endings. Just like each other, just like the present moment, it made him willing to be completely sunk.

"Ze Ze, concentrate." The doctor reminded him in his ear, "You're still distracted by other things?"

"No... No." Under the strong stimulation, Yi Zhize was no longer able to speak in complete sentences.

"It's all my fault." Ou Tingyun said, "It's me who was too gentle because my heart ached for you. But I forgot, Ze Ze likes it intense, hmm?"

"Ting... yun..." Yi Zhize's mind drifted off.

"Shh, listen." Ou Tingyun said, "It's raining."

A sudden rain, an explosion of thunder, flowers falling from the branches of the kapok trees, concealing many loving moments.

The next day, when Yi Zhize woke up, it was nearly noon.

Lifting the blanket, Yi Zhize saw his own body, which was covered in a variety of colours, and he was in a bad mood. How could he cover it up? How could he go to work?

But what he didn't expect was that, due to the intensity of last night's fight, he stumbled when he got out of bed and almost fell to the floor.

Ou Tingyun wrapped his arms around his waist, "Ze Ze, awake?"

Yi Zhize's face almost turned blue: "Ou Tingyun."

"Ze Ze, why are you calling me by my full name? You're not allowed to call me by my full name."

"Ou, Ting, Yun."

"I'm here."

"Dr. Ou, did you ever consider that I have to work today?"

"My mistake." Ou Tingyun immediately apologised, "But you don't have to work today, I've taken the day off for you."

"Not today, but what about tomorrow?"

"You don't have to tomorrow either, or the day after, or the day after tomorrow. I've hired you for a month."

"?"

"Shall we go on holiday, Ze Ze?"

———

Italy, Riviera, height of summer.

The Riviera originated on the north-west coast of mediaeval Liguria in Italy and is connected to the Provence-Alpes-Côte d'Azur in France, with the coastal mountains and the Ligurian hills to the north. The scenery is beautiful and is renowned worldwide.

In summer, the Riviera is bright and beautiful, with its blue sea and blue sky, sunrises and sunsets, extraordinarily charming.

Sitting in a corner cafe, Ou Tingyun quietly took his hand and dropped a kiss on the side of his face. They walked side by side along the stone-paved paths, up the cliffs and towers, looking out over the endless sea and sky.

At night, the stars were emerging, decorating the deep blue sky. The two of them walked barefoot on the beach, the sea breeze most gentle on their faces.

Ou Tingyun said, "Ze Ze, do you remember, the day we first met, you came to me for therapy and I asked you, beach, forest, mountains, moonlit night, which do you prefer?"

"Mhmm."

"At that time, you answered mountains and forests and moonlit nights." Ou Tingyun asked, "And now?"

"Beach."

Ou Tingyun couldn't help the smile, "What changed you? My Barrister Yi?"

"Asking even though you know."

"The mountains and the forest provide tranquillity, the moonlit nights provide restful sleep, and the answer you gave then was a reflection of your state of mind; you were tormented by anxiety and longed for the comfort of sleep, hence the choice." Ou Tingyun analysed, "Now that you are cured of your symptoms, you like the softness and comfort of the beach, so that was your choice."

"Wrong."

"How is that wrong?"

"Not entirely."

"What's wrong?"

"Asking even though you know."

"I don't know."

Yi Zhize leaned down, picked up a shell and threw it into the collar of Ou Tingyun's shirt,

"Dr. Ou, as my professional psychological advisor, how could you not know?"

The shell slid down his neck and landed back on the beach as Ou Tingyun said, "Mr. Yi, as a professional lawyer, you have to be logical in your speech. Although I am a psychiatrist, I am not a roundworm in your stomach. To tell the truth, I often feel troubled simply because I can't guess what you're thinking."

"Then you don't get to know."

"Ze Ze, I want to know, can't I?"

"No."

"Then I'll trade with you, you tell me the reason and I'll tell you a secret."

"I'm not interested in prying into other people's secrets."

"What if it pertains to you?" Ou Tingyun seduced, "Trust me, you'll be interested."

"No lies."

"Absolutely no lies."

"The reason I like the beach has nothing to do with those professional analyses of yours." Yi

Zhize looked out at the calm sea: "It's simply because I saw such a beach in your subconscious."

The waves rose up like an intimate caress, and Yi Zhize whispered: "The deepest part of the subconscious mind often transcends all rational analysis, doesn't it? For me, liking the beach is only because of you."

Ou Tingyun looked at him in silence, his heart rippling with warmth: "Ze Ze, I like you so much right now."

"Dr. Ou, where's your secret?"

"My secret, it's here." Ou Tingyun took his hand and pressed it to the pocket of his trousers,

"Zhize, there's a gift for you inside, take it yourself, okay?"

Inside the exquisite gift box lay a pair of silver diamond rings, under the moonlight, flowing with love, shining brightly.

———

From which stars have we fallen to meet each other here?

~ By Friedrich Nietzsche

———

I walk alone in a dark forest, burdened with sin and filled with blood. The relay between me and myself has been going on for a long time, dawn breaks, splits and converges. He sees me, I see me.

I walk alone in a dark forest, burdened with sin and filled with blood. The relay between me and myself has been going on for a long time, dawn breaks, splits and converges. He sees me, I see me.

We are each like stars, falling towards each other.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: February 11, 2023