My Vampire Faints at Blood Chapter 67

Lidocaine Inhibits Breathing

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"He... hell..." Lang Weixian was pinned to the ground, unable to move for a moment, and his ears were buzzing. Breathing heavily, he looked to the calm human doctor, "What exactly did you... what magic did you cast on me..."

"There's no magic, it's science. Lidocaine is systemically and centrally toxic if it gets into your bloodstream by mistake – I don't know if it's good for demons, but you're in a bit of danger." Only after confirming that he had no more energy left for conspiracies did Shang Haojia relax his hold on him a little. He was about to untie his belt and tie him up when Yan Maifan arrived at his side and handed over a rope of a strange texture, "I borrowed this dragon tendon from the Third Prince, use it. If you keep untying your belt, your vampire won't be able to take it anymore."

As Lang Weixian's power receded, the cages dissolved into blackness, and the various races inside eventually woke up one by one.

The dragon family was too busy bringing rain to the local area to pay attention to what was going on here. Shang Haojia quickly tied him up and handed him over to Yan Maifan before leaping down from the platform, pulling his vampire with him, "What could have happened to me, why are you so anxious? Did you hit your back? Did you..."

In the middle of his sentence, the worried human doctor was pressed into the vampire's arms.

The strength of those arms almost crushed the bones of his body, and Doctor Shang, who had survived perfectly at the hands of the villainous boss, was nearly strangled out of his senses.

"My dear..." The vampire's voice was choked for the first time, his arms trembled with uncontrollable intensity, and his voice was already a little bit raspy, "I've never hated myself more than today for my inability... I watched you in danger, and I couldn't do anything to help-"

"My dear, if you don't let go, I may be in danger again..." Doctor Shang swung his arm breathlessly, felt the owner of the arms withdraw their strength in a panic, and tentatively took him by the arm with a bit of a helpless smile in his eyes. Gently patting the other man's shoulder, he smiled and met those bloodshot eyes filled with self-condemnation and guilt, "I'm capable of defending myself, so next time be more careful and don't take the risk of handing over the blood crystal – Obviously you made the biggest contribution, if you hadn't consumed most of his power, how could those few little guys have restrained him?" 

Remembering the tone of his partner's voice when he talked about trading the blood crystal for himself, the human doctor's chest faintly flushed with sourness and heat. But this was not the place to talk, so he could only suppress the emotions that were swirling in his chest and wait until he got back to discuss the day's events in depth with his vampire: "Besides, if it wasn't for that trip you made, that little lidocaine wouldn't have been able to accomplish so much..."

"Lido – what?" If the last digestive tablet had at least been able to be understood by its name in terms of meaning, this one apparently left the vampire in complete confusion. Blinking helplessly, he eventually managed to completely fail to guess.

"Lidocaine, not yet a well-known name. I picked it in accordance with the side effects, lidocaine is a local anaesthetic and has been reported to produce a respiratory depressant effect in a few cases, such as our dark magician friend..." Doctor Shang answered his vampire's question seriously, taking the tiger cub who had come up to him for praise into his arms and rubbing the little one's head with a smile, "I gave him a christening with the local anaesthetic and soaked that pendant you gave me with it to increase the accuracy of his neck bite. It seems to be working pretty well now, apparently."

The little Bi'an was clearly not as spoiled as his older brother, proudly holding his chest up and letting his father stroke his head without moving, the tip of his tail wagging gently but clearly revealing an extremely happy mood.

Looking at the vampire, who was still deep in self-condemnation, the human doctor's eyes took on a bit of a smile as he shoved the little tiger cub he was holding into his arms, "He's not like Wei Yao, he's familiar with the scent of the pendant from his eggshell, so he won't grow distant from you, haven't you always looked forward to petting a big cat?"

The furry little tiger cub was clearly not enough to quell the vampire's self-condemnation for not being able to protect his human. After straining his neck for a while, he couldn't wait for his other father to play with him, and the tip of his tail curled up in a tangle of frustration. Finally resigned to his fate, he tucked his wings away and rolled to the ground, exposing his soft belly and calling softly towards his dad.

"......"

Nearly being so cute that he spurted blood on the spot, the vampire covered his chest with one hand, finally unable to hold back any longer, and buried his face directly into the tiger cub's soft pad of flesh.

......

After the big boss was subdued, the situation soon got on track.

The dragon family finally stopped their tears in time before flooding the auction hall, the phoenix and fire dragon resigned themselves to going out and baking the rainwater away, and the wolves automatically volunteered to join forces to clean up the scattered venue. Only Mr. Tibetan fox was left alone, crouching beside the unconscious Lang Weixian, dutifully guarding the suspect in case he suddenly jumped up and escaped.

As the Special Department was about to take over the scene, the little kitten, who had gone off somewhere, suddenly burst out, a large cloth bag clenched in his mouth, and jumped happily into his human father's arms.

"Where'd you go – what's this?" The unfazed Doctor Shang's tone finally took on a touch of genuine astonishment as he caught the equally accomplished kitten in his hands and looked at the bag, which was almost as big as two of himself. For a moment, he didn't know whether to marvel at the little one's terrifying strength or his equally terrifyingly strong bite.

The little Taotie shook his head proudly and squatted on his dad's palm with a swagger in his paws, "Meal money, feed brother!"

"......" He didn't expect the little one to know how to earn food money for his brother. Doctor Shang rubbed the little kitten's head with mixed emotions, indulged it as it pounced on his shoulder and rubbed up against him pamperingly, then opened that cloth bag and nearly blinded himself by the various treasures inside.

An Muxi, who had only planned to come over to console an old friend, saw this and came over curiously, unable to resist a whispered exclamation, "My goodness – I say, how come the floor is so clean, did you pick it all up..."

The human doctor, who was also deeply shocked, nodded and took the kitten, who was clutching his collar and swinging, down and placed it on his vampire's head, "Don't you need to turn these in when your Special Department people are here?"

"No, the non-human races have different principles than humans. They follow the law of the jungle, as soon as one party leaves their prey behind and another party gets it, ownership changes hands, so to put it bluntly, whatever you pick up is yours. Didn't you see that the female vampire wasn't pestering you guys either? A vampire in your family was picked up by you, so he's your vampire. Unless you die, his ownership will not change." An Muxi responded casually as he carefully dusted off his clothes. Glancing again at the vampire who was addicted to petting his cat and couldn't help himself, he laughed lightly and shook his head, patting his old friend on the shoulder, "I could see clearly from the sidelines, he came close to going completely berserk when you were captured – their berserking is very taxing on their bodies, much like a human over-exercising. Seeing as he's still unresponsive, it's best to feed him a few mouthfuls of blood when you get back, so he doesn't get sore everywhere on his body tomorrow and have to sprint down a flight of stairs."

"After feeding, it's likely to be me who's sore everywhere..." The human doctor couldn't help but whisper heartily at the memory of the last feeding that could be described as chaotic, and shook his head righteously as the elf looked over suspiciously, "I didn't say anything, are you going with Mr. Yan?"

"No, Master is an undercover unit in charge of monitoring S-rank non-human creatures, how can he walk openly with us, what if he's exposed?" The sluggish yoghurt elf shrugged justifiably, and seeing that there was nothing wrong with him, he patted him on the arm and ran towards Zhuge Kaoyu who was doing something in the corner, "Kaoyu, do you want to come with me later and we'll both rehearse a bit? I think the song 'Rice Field' is great, and we can try 'Nunchuck' and 'Chapter 7 of the Night' too..." (Angel: These are all Jay Chou's songs.)

"He's really not sensing anything at all... haven't you hinted anything more to him?" Looking at An Muxi who was running away happily, Doctor Shang couldn't help but worryingly sigh and look at Yan Maifan who was standing aside, gossiping and asking a follow-up question.

"He cut me papaya to eat the other day and I gave him a jade pendant, which he happily accepted, but didn't react otherwise." Looking at the elf's heartless back, Master Yan shook his head helplessly, and then a bit more determination showed in his eyes, "But I won't give up – a drop of water penetrates a stone, I believe that if I am persistent enough, he will be moved by me."

"......" Shocked speechless by the other man's original way of confessing his love, Doctor Shang patted him sympathetically on the shoulder and shook his head sincerely, "Promise me that you will forget about using poetry this time, and next time you will push the dynasty back a little and make some more straightforward moves. Otherwise, with Muxi's IQ and knowledge base, he won't be able to understand that you're expressing such a cryptic and profound meaning to him as 'Throw me a papaya and return it to Qiong Ju, the bandit will return the favour and will always think he is good'."

"Is it really still too subtle?" Yan Maifan pushed his glasses up, his usual bland expression taking on a bit more of a distressed look, and he sighed extremely softly, "This is what it says in the 'Tao Te Ching Guide to Love'. There are also some more difficult to achieve, such as the so-called 'Yi Ren, just like in the middle of the water', and 'why cut the candle at the west window together, but talk about the night rain in Bashan' which I have not yet had the time to implement..."

"I think – these love guides of yours are basically basically a guide on how to orphan yourselves and then end your racial legacy." Thinking about the many equally unreliable practices of his vampire, Doctor Shang shook his head and sighed with genuine emotion. As he was about to suggest that he should be more direct at times, Zhuge Kaoyu was already striding back with the sobbing yoghurt elf in his arms, throwing it directly into Yan Maifan's arms and turning away without looking back, "Keep an eye on your elf, and explain to him in the meantime – I'm going to be doing some power swapping with that little pureblood today, as well as an in-depth discussion about certain special poses. I don't have time to rehearse any singing with him, I'll make another appointment with him tomorrow."

"Master..." The aggrieved ball of yoghurt elf cried and shrank into Yan Maifan's arms, wiping his tears aggressively, "He, he doesn't want to rehearse with me, does he dislike that I can't sing well or rap well?"

"......" Instead of encouraging this apprentice as he did every time, Yan Maifan looked in silence at the elf who was rubbing his tears on his neck, his gaze moving down his hair-tipped ears to his perfectly shaped nose, his pursed lips, his delicate collarbone, his slightly dishevelled lapel from being carried back...

"Mas... Master?" Feeling that the atmosphere seemed a little off, the yoghurt elf whispered, tilting his head good-naturedly and looking blankly into his Master's meaningful dark, sunken eyes.

"Doctor Shang, thank you very much, I think I understand your suggestion – excuse me for today, there will be a great reward in the future." With a sudden bow towards Shang Haojia and a sincere voice of thanks, Yan Maifan held the bewildered elf ball securely in his arms and took a big step away in the other direction.

"Is today some kind of special day..." It felt as if he had somehow heard the roar of an engine rising and falling. Doctor Shang touched his nose in bewilderment, turned aside to the vampire who had been completely dragged out of his depression by the two little ones, and held out his hand towards him, "Nothing more for us to do, shall we go home?"

"Let's go home, my dear – but I asked Mr. Sheng Kobike to put air control in place, so we may just have to go back together in Jialun's car." The vampire nodded with a smile and took him into his arms for a deep kiss, sighing softly with regret, "You've just acquired your invisibility cloak, I was originally going to take you for a nice bounce around to enjoy the city at night..."

"It's fine, there will be plenty of opportunities for that later – but why would you want him to implement air control? Are you afraid of something coming from the sky?" It's always easier for people to give up many of their principles after a disaster. The human doctor did not refuse the kiss, taking the little kitten in his arms and being swept out the door by the vampire.

"It doesn't matter. I just sensed something earlier, so I made some preparations for a rainy day, and it seems to have been somewhat useful... Regardless, as long as you're safe, nothing matters." Meeting the curious gaze of his doctor, the vampire shook his head with a smile and swept the man up into his arms again. He picked up the large bag of treasure with one hand and easily threw it over his shoulder, and walked with him towards the door.

The rain had just cleared and the night breeze still carried the damp, fresh smell of the earth. Behind them, still working feverishly, the little phoenix and fire dragon were dutifully roasting the rainwater, and with an enthusiastic wave of their wings at the pair, two neat rows of fires lit up by the roadside, thoughtfully lighting the way home for them.

"My dear, do we get another chance to share a bed today?"

"Muxi says you need a couple of sips of blood, so just be good and eat – but no messing around! I have to work tomorrow and I don't have the energy to mess around with you..."

"Yes, my dear, I will fully respect your opinion..."

As the car sped down the flat road, a demon, perfectly hidden in the darkening sky, applied the emergency brakes for the umpteenth time. Desperately fluttering its wings to avoid the sudden pop-up of a no-traffic order, an angry roar resounded through the sky once more, "Where's the promised meal?! Why didn't that bastard tell me about the restrictions today?!?!?!"

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The author has something to say:

After defeating the Great Demon King, the snacks are living happily together in pairs, and the main story will be finished here. o(*////▽////*)q

The translator has something to say:

Hello! Thank you guys for sticking with me for this year-long journey. There are still two bonus chapters left, which will be released next weekend, but I thought I would say thank you here, as the author also left their closing statements on this chapter.

I appreciate each and every one of you who have read and commented on this book. It has been a fun, comedic story and will hold a place in my heart for a long time.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: May 26/27, 2022

Edited: August 24, 2023