My Vampire Faints at Blood Chapter 45

Humans Are Fetal Animals

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"... At this rate, I think we'll have a lot of children and grandchildren soon." Thinking of the two dragon eggs under his name, Doctor Shang couldn’t help but rub his temples; it was as if he had already foreseen his future of becoming a father for various reasons, "Have you obtained Wayne Loki's permission regarding the matter of him calling you father?"

"I did ask for his permission, but he refused, so he was later given strict fatherly discipline." The vampire nodded, meeting his human's gaze frankly, "After the discipline, he cried out and accepted such a fate. So when he lunged at you, I didn't feel the least bit worried, because as soon as I told him to sit down, he'd–"

Before he could finish his sentence, there was a sudden, violent roar from the ground floor, followed by Wayne Loki's angry growl, "Father – I'm not your husky, will you stop making me sit down? It's annoying, I don't want to lose face!"

"Good point, I should give Jialun some relevant training as well, before he keeps spouting meaningless things..." Hearing the vague protest of grief and anger from downstairs, Wei Long held his jaw for a moment in contemplation before nodding thoughtfully and rising smoothly and calmly to his feet, "My dear, if there's nothing else, please allow me to leave for a moment–"

"Of course there is." Catching a glimpse of the vampire's intention to use the opportunity to escape, Shang Haojia tugged at his arm and rolled up his own sleeve with his other hand.

"I can tell by the way Wayne Loki is alive and kicking that you haven't consumed much blood – Our enemies haven't all been dealt with, so you'll have to keep practising until you get over it. I don't want you to get hurt and not even have a chance to recover."

"My dear, at this point in time – it's better not to..." Glancing at his doctor's arm with difficulty, the vampire's face showed some embarrassment and he instinctively took a half step back, "After all, you have to work tomorrow, wouldn't it be inappropriate for us to do something like that today..."

"What's inappropriate about food and sex, which are inherently human in nature?" Having signed a contract with two dragons with strong blood energy, Doctor Shang was not at all worried about being accidentally sucked dry by his anorexic vampire. He pulled him back with disinterest, pressing him down on the bed, "All right, all right, don't dawdle. Move quickly, don't force me to do it myself..."

The two little dragons outside the door were lying in the doorway, stretching their necks and listening with great pleasure. The hybrid husky tiptoed up the stairs, handed over a meat bone and waved invitingly towards the two little ones, "What were they talking about, did they say anything about the crystal ball?"

"I don't think so – I just heard something, something about food and sex..." Xian Bao cocked his head in thought for a long moment before shaking his head seriously, "It seemed like Brother Doctor wants to do something with Brother Vampire, then Brother Vampire said he didn't want it, but Brother Doctor said he must, and they've been arguing back and forth about it."

"I heard that too! Brother Vampire even said that Brother Doctor had to work tomorrow and that it wasn't the right time to do something like that. Then Brother Doctor said he would do it himself..."

"...Okay, no more listening to this!" Listening to the two little dragons' upside-down narrative, the werewolf's expression instantly became extremely indescribable. Tucking the two little ones into his arms, he strode down the stairs without looking back, "They were discussing – discussing something about laying eggs. In the future, when Brother Doctor and Brother Vampire say things like that again, make sure you stay away from them, remember?"

"Liar, Brother Doctor is about to have two eggs, he doesn't need another one!" Xian Bei was the quickest to react, unceremoniously exposing Uncle Werewolf's well-intentioned lie.

Not to be outdone, Xian Bao scurried over to his brother and nodded vigorously, "That's right! And the book says that people and vampires make babies directly, they don't lay eggs at all – only us dragons and those birds do. Uncle Werewolf, don't lie to us just because we're young, we know a lot more than that!"

"...Okay, I guess I'd better shut up." Being re-taught to be a wolf by the two little ones, the half-blood husky threw his hands up in defeat, but couldn't help but look up at the closed door of the room with respect, "To do it himself – is Doctor Shang actually this formidable..."

Oblivious to what had happened to his image in the husky's mind, the doctor in the room was still diligently battling with his vampire.

The two had changed from a civil drama to an all-out war. The vampire, completely pinned down and lying on his back, was unable to laugh or cry as he held his human's wrist, and he froze for a long moment before finally shaking his head in defeat, "Still not working – my dear, I can't grow my canine teeth even with you holding me like this..."

"Alright, scenario seventeen failed, eat up." The human doctor rolled onto his back and placed the bowl filled with duck blood in front of him, "Although according to your earlier theory, these proteins, which have been denatured due to the heat, are essentially useless, so it is better to adapt to it than to not touch a single bite."

"As ordered..." Blinking innocently and resigning himself to eating the seventeenth piece of bloody tofu, the vampire finally gave in to a satiating hiccup and surrendered in defeat, "My dear doctor, as you know, our digestive systems work very slowly. If I keep eating, I think it will probably take me a year to digest this food..."

"That's enough treatment for today then, we'll continue with the remaining six hundred and eighty three tests tomorrow." Looking out at the darkening evening sky, Doctor Shang nodded humanely and rolled down his sleeves. He was about to give the cooperating vampire a goodnight kiss as encouragement when the werewolf butler's cautious greeting suddenly came from outside the door, "Doctor Shang, do you have a moment now? There's a delivery for you, it says you must sign for it in person..."

"I'm done, I'll be down in a minute." Seeing the vampire's original bright and expectant gaze dim in an instant, Doctor Shang couldn't help but laugh softly, raising his voice in response and giving him a quick kiss, "For being so cooperative today, I'll forget about the crystal ball – Don't let me see you watching any holographic projections or they'll all be confiscated, okay?"

"No problem, my dear, I'll do it..." Surprise after surprise came crashing down, and the vampire's originally inky eyes had almost turned a pale pink as he nodded his head in agreement. He followed his human out the door and down the stairs, already mentally calculating which secret room on the ground floor would be best to turn into a screening room.

Worried about disturbing the intermittently brutal pureblood king, the werewolf butler darted around the corner after knocking on the door, even growing ears and a tail for his own protection, ready to turn and run for his life. But to his surprise, the two men came out uneventfully, walking lightly and casually, as if they were in a good mood.

Looking at Doctor Shang's athletic stride, the half-blood husky twitched his ears in awe, rubbed his nose and sneezed hard, becoming increasingly convinced that the other man was no ordinary human.

"Hello Mr. Shang, we provide same-day delivery of dragon eggs to every client who signs a contract within China. Please stamp your fingerprint here to sign for the delivery and rate the service of the courier dragon – Please note that returns and exchanges are allowed until the dragon egg is broken, but you will need to pay for your own postage."

The giant dragon figure in the living room gave him a friendly nod, placed a large basket held in its mouth on the floor and moved its head, which already had a two written on it, over.

The huge dragon in front of him was the same customer service dragon from before. Shang Haojia added another two to his head, and finally couldn't help but be curious and ask a tentative question, "Many thanks – Let me ask one more question, are you the only dragon in your dragon clan?

"No, this is the one-stop service we learned from the humans – We agreed that under the universal sky, only we dragons can truly capture the essence of 'one-stop service'." The dragon blinked, kindly polished his sharp teeth and gave a rather hideous smile, "Thank you for your review, you're a good customer to talk to. The last time I went to deliver dragon food to a family named Ye, I ended up scaring him unconscious just by knocking on their window, causing me to have one more bad report..."

"A dragon–" Finally understanding the true meaning of these two words, Shang Haojia nodded with respect and patted the dragon's head sympathetically before opening the tightly covered basket, "How come there's so much stuff, I thought there were only two eggs... What's all this?"

"My dear, let me take a look." Sitting on the couch with his human in his arms, the vampire casually raised his hand, making the large basket float in mid-air, and patiently took its contents out one by one, "These two are dragon eggs, and this is dragon brand sulphur soap, specifically used for cleaning the bodies of young dragons. These are dragon special milk powder, dragon special milk powder, dragon special milk powder......"

"Wait a minute, I have an ominous feeling." Looking at his vampire who seemed to be a jammed cassette tape, and then at the several small mountain high bags of dragon special milk powder, some uneasiness suddenly arose in Doctor Shang's heart. After carefully studying the two dragon eggs up and down, he saw a small red stamp on the bottom of both eggs, one saying 'Bi'an' and the other 'Taotie'. (Angel: If you need a quick reminder, this website will give you a quick overview of the legend of the dragon's nine sons.)

"......" At the sight of the latter two characters, Shang Haojia's eyes unconsciously blackened, as if he had seen the future of a half-grown child eating his poor father, and he shook his head with difficulty, "I remember – there should be no Taotie among the nine sons born to the dragon..."

"No, nine is just an imaginary number, in fact, we can give birth to anything." The dragon looked at him sincerely, turned in mid-air and nodded his head towards him, "You're a good customer, so while I'm still here, I can give you a chance to return the package  – Are you planning to exchange it for another one?"

"Yes, I–" Shang Haojia nodded hastily, but had only said two words when the dragon egg in his hand suddenly cracked, and the cracks on the egg shell spread out at a speed visible to the naked eye.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: January 1, 2022

Edited: August 17, 2023