My Vampire Faints at Blood Chapter 39

Indescribably Rapid Engorgement

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It took some effort to convince the overly dedicated human doctor to stay in bed before he followed He Jialun to the entrance of the villa. It was only after seeing the flamboyantly styled carriage with his own eyes that Wei Long finally understood the reason for his werewolf friend's surprise.

"You see, I wasn't lying to you, was I?" Scrunching his nose and sniffing, the werewolf tilted his jaw in a serious manner and looked curiously at the vampire beside him, "It smells like a rich array of flavours – What's all this, do you have relatives who bring specialties?"

"Not to mention that most of the blood family members who could call themselves my relatives and friends are currently in slumber, even if it were true that the blood family were travelling, they would never travel in such a pompous vehicle." Rubbing his temples with a headache, the vampire politely straightened his clothes and stood in the doorway to greet the other party, "Barring any unforeseen circumstances, the carriage should now contain and not be limited to an Elven Apostle, a spherical vampire, two servings of cassoulet and rice, a duck blood vermicelli soup, and a mao xue wang..."

"Great, great, is delivery so grand now?" The werewolf nodded in awe, and when he saw the carriage land, he left the sun-shy vampire inside and enthusiastically greeted him, "Thanks for your hard work, come on, give me the food – How much is it? Just to be clear, I won't pay extra for delivery even if you deliver it in this vulgar and flamboyant way..."

"You really are a domestic husky, all you know is food. Your eyes are much worse than a Corgi's – this is our Elven royal transport, what do you know?" After an angry glare at the hybrid werewolf in front of him, An Muxi jumped down with a blood-sucking ball in one hand and shoved the take-out box he had carried in the other hand at him, "My portion of cassoulet has to be heated with Earth Fire, and the other one is for your Doctor Shang. There's also those two portions of mao xue wang and duck blood vermicelli soup which were also bought according to his medical advice. Ask him what to do with them – By the way, where's Chips?"

"He–" The dutiful werewolf butler subconsciously picked up the pile of takeaway boxes. Before he could say anything, Wei Long, who was smiling, had already led An Muxi into the hall and smoothly pushed him towards the kitchen, "He's upstairs in the bedroom. Since he was a little tired, I suggested that he rest in bed, so I did not come with him to greet Your Excellency the Apostle, please forgive me."

"Upstairs – the bedroom?" The well-read light elf repeated the three words and suddenly looked rather indescribable. Meaningfully, he nodded towards the vampire and gave a mysterious knowing smile, "You two are really making fast progress – Alright, you don't have to say any more, Chips is thin skinned and will be killed if he knows too much. Just tell him to lie down, and thank you for solving a confusion I've had for years..."

Although he had inherited enough of the blood family's secret, he was limited to having a wealth of empty theoretical knowledge. The antique vampire, who had been a bachelor for a thousand years and still had very little practical experience, actually failed to pick up on the elf's meaning for a moment, blinking blankly and subconsciously asking a follow-up question, "What confusion?"

"As you know – I study medicine, so I know the basics of physiology. Based on my studies of the various races, I really haven't been able to figure out if you vampires can perform some necessary physiological activities or not..." Putting on a full professional stance, An Muxi spoke seriously. Just before he tapped the vampire's shoulder, he couldn't help but suck in a cold breath and jerk his hand back like he had been electrocuted, "Hiss – it's hot!"

"I am very sorry, Your Excellency the Apostle's words just now caused my emotions to fluctuate slightly, I did not control my power and accidentally burned Your Excellency." Wei Long raised an elegant, formulaic smile, and it was as if the air around him pulsed for a moment, which caused the Elven Apostle, who had almost zero melee skills, to silence at once. Only after taking a half step back did he finally remember that although the vampire in front of him was obedient to the human doctor, he was still one of the dangerous targets labelled as an S-class by the Special Department, and he couldn't help but look a bit scornful and wary.

As if awakened by the momentary scent of pureblood, the previously silent blood-sucking ball suddenly struggled and bounced around twice, slamming the sofa, "The name like spicy strips, give me bite – can't you see I'm about to cry!"

"What did he say?" The pureblood king turned gracefully and sat down on the couch, his hands falling on the armrests. Glancing towards the balled-up vampire on the couch, he couldn't help but frown slightly in disgust.

"Are you in pureblood mode?" Having seen Wei Long in his pure-blooded state once before, An Muxi looked towards him carefully for a long time before understanding why the other party suddenly had a drastic change in temperament. Only then did he breathe a sigh of relief, and dutifully acted as a translator, "He said 'The one with the name like spicy strips, let me take a bite, can't you see I'm about to die' – this is what he said, it has nothing to do with me..."

"See – you can die slowly, I'm not in a big hurry." The scarlet blood in his eyes faded instantly, and Wei Long smiled in response before the aura on his body faded, "Thank you, Your Excellency the Apostle, for sending him here. You have avoided a direct conflict between the blood family and the Special Department, and both from my own perspective and as a pureblood whose identity I am not actually very willing to assume, I salute and thank you for such a selfless and considerate act."

"Liar, I clearly think you're having fun scaring people with your pureblood intimidation..." Shaking his head angrily, he took his heated portion of the takeaway from the werewolf. The frightened elf couldn't help but mutter in a low voice as he couldn't help but worry about his best friend's married life. Gathering the courage to sit up straight, he glared back, "I'll tell you what, when you two fight in the future, you don't get to be so mean to Chips. In the final revision of the 653rd edition of the ‘Convention for the Peaceful Coexistence of Humans and Vampires’, the second edition of ’Even If You Don't Kill’ states that under any circumstances, intimidation, bullying, coercion, etc. by a vampire against a human that does not cause harm is also punishable by a three-day blood ban – although that doesn't seem to work for you..."

"It's amazing that the Special Department has held all six hundred and fifty-three pointless meetings without my knowledge." The vampire shook his head and laughed softly, pouring a cup of tea for himself and thoughtfully pouring one for the Elven Apostle before him, pushing it to him with one hand, "Rest assured that I will never be even half as threatening or harmful to him, no matter what form or situation I am in."

"Wrong, in fact we had six hundred and fifty-four meetings. Because the edition of ’Even If You Don't Kill’ wasn't changed strictly to differentiate, there is a difference between the first and the second editions..." Lifting his hand to take the cup of tea, the tormented elf sighed a sigh full of bitterness and nodded towards him in acknowledgement, "By the way, this is only the ’Convention for the Peaceful Coexistence of Humans and Vampires’, do you want to know how many times the ‘Armistice Agreement between Werewolves and Vampires’ has been reprinted?"

"Sadly, I happen to have no interest in that question." Ruthlessly interrupting the other man's complaint, Wei Long blinked apologetically at him, lightly sipped his tea, and looked to the side at the bloodsucking ball who had started mumbling again, "What did he say now?"

"He said – he said to take him away quickly, he smells something ominous..." An Muxi went over and listened carefully, then sat up again in bewilderment and looked around curiously, "What ominous smell can there be here, your mao xue wang?"

Before his words could leave his mouth, there was a sudden, ear-splitting dragon's roar that came from behind him. With a loud bang, a marble floor tile in the living room was smashed to pieces by the golden dragon's tail, "That's him – that's the herbal tea seller who chased me down and beat me into this state!"

"Nonsense, I am a noble gangster!" Hearing the golden dragon's words, the vampire ball that was still thinking of running away suddenly leapt up in annoyance, bounced on the sofa, and angrily said in a slurred voice, "If you didn't call me Wayne Loki, I wouldn't have missed you so many times!"

"All right, all right, stop talking." The elf had already heard him shouting the whole way and now only felt a growing headache as he pressed the bloodsucking ball back into the sofa, "This esteemed Dragon Highness, since the dragons and blood family are both very powerful races and have no significant conflicts, in principle, the Special Department does not have a system to restrain your two races from fighting – I can pretend I didn't see anything, but please keep your noise down a little, my friend is upstairs and probably needs more rest..."

"I can't move yet, so go and help me roast him!" The golden dragon was so angry that it blew its dragon whiskers and its round dragon eyes turned into copper bells, while its voice lowered, and it tapped its tail in a commanding manner towards the fire dragon who was in a dilemma.

The fire dragon was obviously much more sensible than its furious companion. After glancing at the vampire master on the side and receiving the signal not to be impulsive from his gaze, he turned around in a dilemma and scratched his two little paws twice in front of him, "Honey, look at how badly he's hurt already – if he's willing to go through the civil dispute process and compensate you, we'll let him off the hook this time, don't settle the score with injustice, okay?"

"Pisses me off... You're not going to sleep in the nest tonight, and don't even think about following me to the Peach Fair this year – no ginseng fruit, none!"

Although he saw the same signal that the vampire master had given, he was, after all, beaten all over. There was nowhere for the golden dragon to vent his anger. With a cold grunt, he turned his neck and refused to say another word, regardless of how much the fire dragon shook him with his two little paws to persuade him.

As soon as the elf heard about the ginseng fruit, his eyes suddenly lit up and he looked very eager. He walked over quickly, put one hand on his shoulder and one knee on the ground, and actually bowed to him respectfully right in front of the crowd, "Your esteemed Divine Dragon Highness, if I hand this blood-sucking ball over to you for disposal, can you bestow upon me one – no, half a ginseng fruit? I've heard that ginseng fruit can cleanse the muscles and remove the marrow, and I think this is the only level of treatment that can possibly cure me of this illness..."

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

I feel bad for the fire dragon, he's in such a dilemma. 

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: November 15, 2021

Edited: August 11, 2023