My Vampire Faints at Blood Chapter 1

Compressions Require Five Centimeters

---

"Watch carefully. When you press on the chest, it must be vertical, centred, and four to five centimetres deep. Don’t be too shallow. If you press too shallowly, it’s the same as not pressing at all. Don’t press too deeply. If you break their ribs, it can be hard to explain once they wake up." Shang Haojia stood up from the medical dummy and patted his hands. He signalled to the group of medical students in front of him that they could start practising. Pulling a stool over, he sat down and was ready to complete the duty records from yesterday.

It’s always easy for young and handsome doctors to attract the attention of girls. Before he sat on the stool, a young girl stumbled in front of him; the girl had been pushed out by her friend. After a long pause, her delicate face was red, reaching all the way down her neck, "Teacher Shang, before we came, our teacher mentioned you to us. He said that we should not call you teacher and that we should call you brother instead. How many years our senior are you? Did you also graduate from the University of Medicine?"

"Your age-ranking methods have become so clever now?" As a doctor in the emergency department of the city’s best hospital, Shang Haojia was obviously used to such over-enthusiastic treatment. He skillfully used Tai Chi to avoid the topic, keeping his eyes on the paper in front of him, "Although I don’t know who your teacher is, when those old men mention me, they probably wouldn’t say anything nice. Did they tell you that I stole rabbits from the physiology lab, or that I used my roommate’s pot to boil bones?"

These students were still in their rotation period. In order to add some fresh blood to the emergency department, the entire department unanimously voted to use Shang Haojia’s visuals to get a few more people who can help them out.

Although he had no interest in this kind of task, under the strong temptation of applying for a holiday to go to the laboratory to catch up on research papers, Shang Haojia finally surrendered to the evil forces and resolutely took over this glorious and difficult task.

Seeing that their teacher was not only handsome, but very talkative, the girls became more courageous. The short-haired girl on the side was pushed a few steps forward by her friend. She was no longer nervous and openly walked over to him. "That’s not it. They said that you left your white clothes on the balcony in the middle of a windy, rainy night plagued with thunder and lightning. It disturbed the other students in the dormitory so much that our teacher had to personally go and knock it down with a bamboo pole."

"That’s Teacher Li. Some people think that he is fierce, but he is actually very nice. He was in charge of the anatomy hall when we were there and he never stopped us from turning off the air conditioning in the morgue…"  Speaking of the glorious deeds of his student days, Shang Haojia chatted with the students.

Turning around on the stool, he was just about to introduce the long-standing traditions of the University of Medicine to the students when the door to the lab was pushed open, "Old Shang, come quickly. There was a car accident, a dozen people crammed into our emergency room. We don’t have enough manpower!"

"It’s like this, two of you who got a mark over ninety come with me, there’s not enough manpower. Everyone else stay in the lab and remember not to mess around. Hurry!" Shang Haojia threw his pen down on the desk and stood up. Seeing that there were two students who voluntarily followed him, he didn’t need to say anything else. He pulled out a mask, put it on, and started buttoning his white coat as he ran out the door with his colleague.

In the emergency room, there was a symphony of painful cries, and many people had dazzling blood stains on their bodies.

The traffic policeman on the side rubbed his hands anxiously. When he saw the doctor who had come to help, he hurriedly stepped forward, "Doctor, a minibus rolled over into a ditch and brought a small car with it. The dozens of people in the bus were seriously injured and the one person in the car seems to not be breathing…"

"Not breathing?!" Shang Haojia’s heart sank. He hurriedly went over to the crowd and saw the terribly pale patient on the table.

This was a very handsome patient; even if the appearance of the doctor was undoubtedly ranked in the top 30 visuals, there would be many people who would talk about this patient because his appearance was too outstanding.

The patient was lying motionless on the examination table. His chest was being pressed neatly by the nurse beside him, but the person remained silent and the ECG monitor beside him was a constant straight line.

"Why is there no blood in his face? How long has it been? Is there any physical trauma?" Shang Haojia walked over quickly, taking the gloves from the nurse and putting them on.

The nurse, who was frowning and desperately looking for blood vessels in the patient’s arm, raised her head and glanced at the wall clock on the wall, "Plus the time spent in the ambulance, it's been 25 minutes. There is no obvious trauma and no obvious blood stains."

"Now that I’m here, manually take his blood pressure." Seeing that the frequency of the little nurse’s chest compressions was gradually slowing down, Shang Haojia rolled up his sleeves and took over, "Why hasn’t the venous access been established yet? Are his blood vessels too thin?"

"I haven’t found them yet…" The nurse next to him raised her head cautiously and had a hint of hesitation in her tone.

Shang Haojia’s arm couldn’t help but shake and he almost compressed the patient’s chest down ten centimetres, "Didn’t find it? How could the blood pressure be so low? What is the manual blood pressure reading?"

"I didn’t detect it either…"

Hearing the nurse’s response, Shang Haojia couldn’t help but sigh heavily. Although his hands kept moving, he couldn’t help but raise his head, "Then can I ask, what is the meaning of our rescue efforts?"

Just as his voice fell, an anxious shout came from outside the emergency room. "This gentleman… this gentleman, you can’t enter the emergency room!"

Everyone followed the sound and saw a burly man rushing in at the door. The man didn’t speak as he entered, hurriedly walking to the edge of the examination table and violently grabbing the wrist of the suspected deceased.

The emergency department staged a variety of situations all year round. Shang Haojia couldn’t help but guess whether the menacing uninvited guest was going to cry or make a big fuss, but he still methodically continued the chest compressions, "Sir, please step back a bit. Leave some room for us to save him, thank you for your cooperation."

The man frowned slightly and looked at him, pursing his lips impatiently. He was just over one metre and ninety centimetres tall and had long arms. Standing in front of Shang Haojia who was just under two metres away, the colleague on the side was frightened. Just as he was about to step forward to stop the man, the man took another step forward. Looking at the patient’s pale face, his eyebrows raised.

Shang Haojia continued and glanced at his watch indifferently, "Continue attempting to establish venous access, we won’t stop until we reach 30 minutes."

"Doctor… that… this is actually a misunderstanding…" In the terrifying silence, the brawny man finally spoke. His tone was not as angry as he might have imagined, but he was rather friendly, "There is nothing wrong with him, he was just shocked when he saw the blood. Don’t worry, I just need to take him back."

"Right now, the patient is not breathing and his heart is not beating. Resuscitation efforts are not done yet, please do not interfere with the emergency procedures." Shang Haojia had worked in the emergency department for two years but he had never seen a family that didn’t beg them to continue trying to save a patient who was dying. It was the first time he had seen a family member want to take a person away like this. His face was blank but he couldn’t help but start to imagine a murder scene of love and hatred in his heart.

When the visitor saw that he was unmoved, he rubbed his palms together anxiously. Suddenly, he grabbed the patient’s arm and yanked it hard, "Okay, what are you doing in the hospital? Why did you come here? Let’s go, don’t pretend you need to be here…"

"Sir, the patient’s vital signs have disappeared. If you interfere with the resuscitation like this, then he will definitely die."

The patient was yanked by him and Shang Haojia couldn’t do the chest compressions any more. Getting down, he quickly raised his hand and held the man’s arm. When he was about to explain that the patient’s condition was very dangerous and that he might not be able to be brought back, the person who had been lying quietly suddenly moved. He turned over and climbed off of the examination table.

"Doctor Shang, I apologise for the presumptuous interruption today. In fact, in my original plan, I had hoped not to cause trouble for you and wanted to wait until I was treated as a corpse before getting up. It is a pity that the appearance of my reckless friend disrupted my plan without any suspense." He took off the electrode patch on his chest and dexterously buttoned his shirt with his long fingers. He stood in front of Shang Haojia and bowed gracefully, "I once again sincerely apologise for the trouble I have caused you today. Please forget about this incident. It will be dark out soon, I wish you a good dream tonight."

Shang Haojia looked at him in surprise. Looking back at the flatline on the ECG monitor behind him, he couldn’t help but pull his phone out, "I must explain to the psychiatric department that I need an appointment. I don’t think the patient has a problem, I think it’s me…"

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

TOC | Next Chapter

Translator Notes

Hello~ Welcome to the new novel I have picked up. This novel will be my secondary focus, so it won't be updated as frequently as SCI Mystery Series, though I will try my best to get one or two chapters up a week.

This is a simple and funny novel that follows Shang Haojia, an emergency room doctor, as he meets and falls in love with a vampire who faints at the sight of blood. Along the way, he helps many other mythical creatures who have quite ironic conditions. 

Please give it a chance as it is quite funny from what I have read so far.

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: April 16, 2021

Edited: July 28, 2023