Wilderness Vegetation Chapter 32

Chapter 32

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"It's my..." Xu Yan paused, "someone I know."

"Then you two chat, I'll go up first," said Lu Sen.

As he said this, they had already walked up to Shen Zhi. Xu Yan said, "There's nothing much to talk about," and started to head up the steps with Lu Sen. Shen Zhi reached out to grab his arm and called him, "Xu Yan."

"Hiss–" Lu Sen chuckled and said, "You'd better have a chat." He took the items from Xu Yan's hands. "I'll take these up for you." He glanced at Shen Zhi, who happened to be looking at him as well. That gaze... it wasn't exactly aggressive, but being stared at like that did feel quite pressurising.

Lu Sen returned to the hotel. Xu Yan stood on the steps, half a head taller than Shen Zhi, but he quickly descended. From this angle, looking up at Shen Zhi's slightly upturned face had an inexplicable tenderness. Xu Yan's heart softened for a moment – Once he stood on the ground, he felt much better, realising that he did have a bit of a masochistic tendency in front of Shen Zhi.

"Don't tell me you're staying at this hotel too," Xu Yan said.

Shen Zhi shook his head, "No," he said. "I didn't book a hotel."

Xu Yan immediately raised his eyes to look at him. The bottom of his eyes were illuminated by the swish of the light as his eyelashes rose upwards, and half of his face was buried in the scarf, revealing only a pair of eyes. Xu Yan's eyes were truly beautiful. Shen Zhi suddenly had a strange thought. If a butterfly landed on Xu Yan's eyes now, if there was one – he wished he could be that butterfly.

"Suit yourself," Xu Yan said, "This hotel is fully booked. Go find somewhere else."

"Is your room big?" Shen Zhi looked at him and suddenly asked.

Xu Yan immediately took a step back, like a wary hedgehog, "What does whether it's big or not have to do with you?"

Shen Zhi pressed his lips together and responded with a completely unrelated word, "Okay."

"Shen Zhi," Xu Yan's hand clenched into a fist inside his sleeve. He said coldly, "I've told you many times, we're not involved anymore, what exactly do you want?"

"To see you," Shen Zhi's eyelashes drooped slightly. Standing there, he looked like a quiet painting. He said slowly, "To be with you."

An absurd feeling surged in Xu Yan's heart. Not only had he never thought Shen Zhi would say such things to him, he couldn't even imagine Shen Zhi saying such things to anyone. But now it was happening, right in front of him. Shen Zhi had no reason or ability to force himself to say these things. It was precisely because of this that Xu Yan felt it was ridiculous.

What was the use of saying these things now?

"What you think is your business," Xu Yan averted his eyes. "Don't come bothering me."

Shen Zhi nodded, then looked at Xu Yan and suddenly said without any warning, "I want to pursue you, Xu Yan."

That feeling – Xu Yan felt like his head and chest had suddenly been filled with a tangle of threads, unable to react at all. He almost instinctively responded, "Then I'm rejecting you right now." He turned around and hurried up the steps back to the hotel, feeling that he couldn't stay there another second, it was too overwhelming.

Shen Zhi wanted to pursue him? How? Like his old self, shamelessly and wholeheartedly? That wasn't something Shen Zhi could do. But no matter what, Xu Yan was certain he would never become like the old Shen Zhi, coldly watching someone else's love. Xu Yan had experienced that feeling, it was too painful. Therefore, he wouldn't inflict it on Shen Zhi, nor would he use it for revenge, swapping places and making Shen Zhi taste that bitterness.

He couldn't taint the love of their younger days with his own hands, becoming the person he despised. So he could only cut it off decisively. From the moment he stepped out of Shen Zhi's house, Xu Yan had thought this way.

Shen Zhi didn't follow. He did nothing, just stood there quietly, watching Xu Yan's back.

Xu Yan hurried back to his room and took a quick shower. He had originally planned to soak in the hot spring, but now he was in no mood. After showering, he turned on his computer, imported the photos he took today, and sent a batch to post-production. Then he began editing. Once he found something to do, Xu Yan could easily get engrossed in it, which was why he was here editing photos that didn't need his attention instead of enjoying the hot spring late at night.

There was a knock on the door. It was Lu Sen, asking, "Are you asleep?"

"No," Xu Yan got up to open the door, "just editing photos, practising."

"Your stuff." Lu Sen handed him the desserts and souvenirs. After a pause, he said, "I just went out to the balcony to smoke and saw he's still standing downstairs."

Xu Yan was stunned. He had glanced at the time before answering the door, nearly two hours had passed since they last spoke... and Shen Zhi hadn't left?

"It's really cold outside," Lu Sen said, "and it looks like he didn't bring any luggage. Judging by the flight time, he probably came straight here without having dinner."

Xu Yan lowered his head and said nothing. Lu Sen shrugged, "I'm just stating the facts. I'm heading back, good night."

After closing the door, Xu Yan stood by his computer for a while, then walked over and opened the balcony door. The cold, snowy air hit him in the face as he walked to the railing and looked down – At the bottom of the hotel steps, the stone bench was covered in snow, with a street lamp nearby. Shen Zhi stood by the lamp, like a tree growing in the cold night. He had been looking at the ground, but suddenly raised his head. As his gaze moved up the floors, about to reach Xu Yan's balcony, Xu Yan quickly stepped back, retreating to his room before their eyes could meet. But given the distance between them, even if they had locked eyes, it wouldn't have been clear.

Xu Yan shut off his computer, washed his face, brushed his teeth, got into bed, and turned off the lights. The room was very quiet, and he could hear the wind blowing outside. With his eyes closed, Xu Yan's mind kept conjuring images of Shen Zhi standing by the stone bench below, surrounded by snow, the street lamp casting a dim yellow glow around him.

Stop thinking, stop thinking about Shen Zhi. Xu Yan tried to think of other things, various matters, various people, letting his mind wander aimlessly. Eventually, he picked up his phone – almost an hour had passed since he got into bed, and surprisingly, he still couldn't sleep.

He sat up, stepped barefoot onto the floor, opened the balcony door, and found it even colder outside. Walking to the railing and looking down again, Xu Yan almost collapsed, feeling a sense of despair and frustration – Shen Zhi was still there, in the exact same spot.

"Fuck," Xu Yan cursed under his breath. He then turned and went back inside, grabbed his coat from the rack, threw it on, and headed out the door.

———

The author has something to say:

Shen Zhi's Diary: Ever since I confessed, I feel a lot more at ease. Thanks to everyone for their advice (and scolding), and to my (not very helpful) card-playing friends (rubbing his hands together and putting his diary in his pocket, waiting for his wife to take him upstairs to sleep).

Xu Yan: I swear I'm taking the damn elevator down to beat you up right now.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: July 8, 2024 by Angel

Edited: August 18, 2024 by Angel