Wilderness Vegetation Chapter 7

 

Chapter 7

---

Xu Yan slept again all morning. Last night, he drank his heart away at the bar. When Shen Zhi called, Xu Nian grabbed the phone and answered instead because he was afraid that his brother would be soft-hearted – but in fact, Xu Yan did not plan to pick up at all. Then he turned off his phone, which hadn't been turned back on yet. Xu Yan stretched his limbs to death, and after two days of hangovers, he felt empty.

After washing, Xu Yan went back to bed. He took his mobile phone and turned it on to see if there was any good food nearby. The phone was off the whole night so it was also a little slow as it got stuck for a second. The notification bar began to display the various messages that came in. Xu Yan was too lazy to read, so he opened a takeout software; carefully selected one, and finally ordered a meal – yellow stewed chicken rice.

“...” Xu Yan suddenly had no appetite. He should have asked Xu Nian to call his aunt to cook.

After opening WeChat, he answered some messages and messed around with Xu Nian. Xu Yan flipped through some group chats, and finally suddenly saw a distinct red dot "4" on Shen Zhi's chat box.

How to say, there is a feeling of being lucky. After all, Shen Zhi rarely takes the initiative to send him WeChat. He never says much when replying to messages, and the number on the chat box is basically "1". Xu Yan also thought about the association between Shen Zhi only replying once because he was the 1 in the relationship. But after thinking about it, he was the 0 in the relationship no matter what, so it seems that it had no other meaning behind it. And if he doesn't love, he doesn't love.

(T/N: Chinese slang for seme/uke is 1 or 0 respectively, so XY is trying to associate SZ only writing 1 message as he’s trying to display his dominance as the seme, but he realized that was ridiculous to think about.)

To say that there are no ups and downs is quite false. He only left yesterday; how can it be possible to completely put down the person who you have liked for six years overnight? Feelings are not barbells where they can be lifted heavily and dropped heavily. It is not so straightforward, but entangled, like vines climbing on the body; it can only be cut down little by little.

Clicking on the message, the first one was from last night: 

Shen Zhi: Where are you?

The rest were from this morning:

Shen Zhi: I’m heading out.

Shen Zhi: The assistant said that the suit ordered before arrived, you go sign and receive it.

Shen Zhi: They say that no one is home, and your mobile phone is turned off.

The familiar meaning: You should be at home, why did someone else send the suit but no one opened the door, what do you even do for a living?

Xu Yan lay down, pressed his eyebrows, and picked up his mobile phone again. He was about to reply when the ringtone sounded. It was Shen Zhi calling. Startled, he stared at the screen for several seconds before pressing the answer button and not speaking — he really didn't know what to say. In the past, it would never be awkward between them, because Xu Yan would always speak proactively. But now that he didn't speak, Shen Zhi seemed to be unable to react either. So the two were silent at the same time. After a while, Shen Zhi asked, "Where are you?" 

The voice in his ears was a little low, and Xu Yan's right ear numbed uncontrollably. He paused before replying: "Outside."

"You haven't had enough wine, have you?" Shen Zhi asked coldly.

Today, on his day off, the client asked him to play golf. It was half an hour away, originally he should have gone out at ten o'clock. But he sat in the study until ten past ten, those ten minutes were almost as if he stared at his watch ticked by second. But Xu Yan never came back, as if he was dead set on trying to go against Shen Zhi. At noon, the assistant came to say that the suit was sent over, but no one was at home. And Xu Yan's phone was also turned off – which shows that Xu Yan has not returned.

"No, from now on you can…” Xu Yan wanted Shen Zhi to hire a housekeeper. After all, Shen Zhi’s multifunctional wife had already run away. But he quickly thought – Shen Zhi was engaged already, and he didn't need to say anything about asking for a nanny. His family would naturally arrange it, and it had nothing to do with Xu Yan. So, he suddenly opened his mouth again, but what the hell should he say? Should he say I will never go back, I will not bother you, you are finally free, baby?

If he said that, then the six-year relationship between them would be cut off. Xu Yan was reluctant to say anything, of course he’d be reluctant. He had fantasized about the ending between himself and Shen Zhi countless times in the past few years. The good and bad. This relationship was originally his unilateral persistence and perseverance. And all the bitterness and sourness were deserved, even if there was blood in his mouth, he still had to swallow it. But Xu Yan found that he still had a bottom line. And when he tried his best to give it his all and received no reward, he instead went to the bad ending and he would run away faster than anyone.

He hobbled for so long, fell, and got up, time after time. Finally, he learned to walk but suddenly realized that there were more unknown things ahead, waiting for him to explore and comprehend alone. The final answer may not be satisfactory – no, it wasn’t ‘may not be’, it was ‘will not be’.

“Speak.” Xu Yan closed his mouth halfway, and Shen Zhi said in a low voice to him with some impatience.

"Oh, I..." Xu Yan pinched the bridge of his nose and said casually, "I'm on a business trip."

"You weren't home when I went back in the morning, so I grabbed something and went out again. I’m on a temporary business trip, and I don't know how long it will take, that's it."

He could simply leave, but he couldn't say goodbye in person, no matter what Shen Zhi's reaction was, surprised, happy, mocking, contemptuous, Xu Yan didn't want to bear it anymore. He has been living for several years without regard for dignity, and at this last moment, he will save himself some face. From heartbeat to cold, six years, a goodbye could not be completely said – so there is no need to say anything. How cunning adults are, when the time comes, both sides will naturally understand, and it will be good for everyone.

Without waiting for Shen Zhi to speak, Xu Yan said, "I have to do something, I’ll hang up first" and ended the call. He lay on the bed with his phone in hand, stared at the lamp for a long time, and finally exhaled – still a little heavy, but also refreshing.

There was a busy signal on the mobile phone. Shen Zhi leaned back on the back of the chair, opened WeChat after a moment of silence, and sent a message to the assistant.

Five minutes later, Xu Yan's mobile phone received a message from the former company's personnel director: Someone from Jinyao Group just came to ask me about you.

Xu Yan sat up, this movement was too violent, and his head was full of gold stars, so he typed with difficulty: Ask what?

Personnel: Just ask me if you are still in the company, and I said that you left the day before yesterday.

It's very strange, at the moment he knew that Shen Zhi had found him leaving, Xu Yan instantly relaxed. Shen Zhi is so smart, he must understand what it means, and the progress bar is directly pulled to the end, that's good. Xu Yan guessed that Shen Zhi must be very happy now, he may have ordered a batch of fireworks on the road, if he can't talk about getting engaged tomorrow, he should laugh more in the future... Hiss-that cold face is really beautiful when it is smiling, but unfortunately, he never wants to show it in front of him.

He replied, "Okay, okay, I see."

As soon as it was sent, the mobile phone rang again without warning, and the three words "Ah Shen Zhi" on the screen were like three iron pots smashing to the top of the head. Xu Yan was suddenly nervous – Shen Zhi probably felt fooled and came to condemn him.

Without thinking, he rolled out of bed, pulled out the card taker from his wallet, and took out the SIM card, all without forgetting the sense of form – he put the SIM card on the nail of his thumb, the fingertip against the tip of the index finger, flicked upward, and the small SIM card flew out with a 'bang'. It doesn't matter where it flies, he can look for it after a while – of course, he has to find, in the Internet era, a mobile phone number is linked to Alipay bank cards and various accounts, the cost of giving it up is too great, Xu Yan is not so stupid.

The phone call couldn’t get through, but his WeChat rang again. Xu Yan opened it and saw that Shen Zhi sent: Have you made enough trouble?

Ha...... Just such a sentence. Across the screen, Xu Yan can imagine the impatient coldness on Shen Zhi's face, he has seen it too many times. It stands to reason that he should have gotten used to it a long time ago, but his chest still couldn't help but feel stuffy, like stones piled in his heart one after another, unable to breathe.

After obediently converging for so many years, even if he was snubbed again, no matter how depressed his heart was, Xu Yan did not put a half face on Shen Zhi and did not say a serious word. He alone tasted bitterness and grievances, which stemmed from the original wishful thinking, Xu Yan was self-responsible and did not intend to quibble, he had long admitted and was willing. But at this time, Shen Zhi only felt that he was throwing a tantrum – his heart was dead like ashes, his dignity was ruined, and he couldn't ask for it, in Shen Zhi's opinion, it was just an unreasonable farce.

As a man, is Shen Zhi unable to empathize with his despair and discouragement when he learned that he was going to get engaged? Yes, yes, it has always been, not only this time, but countless details over the past few years have confirmed this – Shen Zhi only used him as a bed partner and nanny, so when Xu Yan tried to make emotional demands, Shen Zhi ignored it and watched coldly.

Xu Yan did not think about this answer, but when the truth stood in front of him like Mount Tai, it was inevitable that people would feel sad. So much so that he looked at the screen and laughed lowly, and asked himself: "So why did you agree to stay with me in the first place?"

Of course, he couldn't get an answer, and Xu Yan clicked Shen Zhi's avatar and blocked him.

Have you had enough?

Enough trouble, of course, enough trouble. Xu Yan turned off his mobile phone and thought, spending six years loving someone as cold and ruthless as Shen Zhi was indeed enough.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

Previous Chapter | TOC | Next Chapter

Translator Notes

Please feel free to discuss and give feedback in the comments so I can improve as I go through the book. Don't forget to join our Discord to be a part of the community and get notified of any updates!

Translated: February 10th, 2023 by Lei

Edited: February 10th, 2023 by Angel