Wilderness Vegetation Chapter 48

Chapter 48

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Look, he had once again become the calm and steady Lawyer Shen, thought Xu Yan.

Without saying a word, Shen Zhi grasped Xu Yan's arm and helped him up. It had rained during the day, and the night wind was a bit chilly. Shen Zhi draped his coat over Xu Yan's shoulders. Noticing that Xu Yan kept his head down and remained silent, not resisting at all, he carefully put his arm around Xu Yan's shoulders and guided him inside the building.

"When did you come back from Beijing?" Xu Yan suddenly asked in the elevator.

"I just came over after getting off the plane, and happened to see you coming home."

Xu Yan simply commented, "So busy."

"Mhmm, there were many things to do, so I got delayed for a few days." As the elevator door opened, Shen Zhi said, "We're here."

Xu Nian had miscalculated, Shen Zhi did not come to Xu Yan with hospital admission papers to play the pitiful card.

Xu Yan's head felt increasingly dizzy. He took out his keys but couldn't get them into the lock after poking at it for half a day, becoming frustrated to the point of nearly swearing. In the end, Shen Zhi, who had remained silent all this time, took the keys from Xu Yan and opened the door.

As soon as the door opened, Xu Yan broke free from Shen Zhi's hold and staggered into the bathroom, kneeling before the toilet and vomiting violently. It had been a while since he had drunk so much, and consuming that much alcohol today was too much for him to handle. Shen Zhi came over, crouched beside him, and patted his back while pressing the flush button. Xu Yan's eyes were bloodshot as he stared at the toilet, watching the swirling water carry away the filth. Once he had vomited and flushed, everything felt clean again.

Shen Zhi stood up, wrung out a towel, filled a cup with water, and gave it to Xu Yan to rinse his mouth. He then wiped Xu Yan's mouth and face with the wet towel before helping him up. "Go rest in your room, I'll boil some hot water."

Xu Yan was very obedient. His behaviour when drunk was excellent, he never caused trouble or made loud noises. Apart from being slow to respond, he was quite easy to take care of.

Seeing Xu Yan sit quietly by the bed, Shen Zhi turned on the air conditioner and went to the kitchen to boil water. As soon as he left, Xu Yan fell back onto the bed. The room spun around him, and he felt the ceiling lights were running around on the ceiling, which was annoying to watch. The coat Shen Zhi had draped on him was pressing into his back, so Xu Yan pulled it out and tossed it aside. A black object fell out of the inner pocket of the suit with a thud, hitting his chest.

Xu Yan fumbled and picked it up, it was a wallet.

He remembered this wallet.

A black Montblanc folding wallet, which he had given to Shen Zhi as a graduation gift nearly six years ago. The back had a custom embossing he had requested: SZ.

He turned it over, and those letters were still there, though not as clear as when it was new.

When he had given Shen Zhi the wallet, Shen Zhi had paused and straightforwardly said, "I didn't get you a gift."

Xu Yan hadn't expected anything but had pretended to ponder for a moment before saying, "Then as compensation, you can replace your wallet now."

Shen Zhi hadn't refused, tossing his old wallet to Xu Yan. "As you wish." Xu Yan had been surprised at his compliance and immediately transferred all the cards from the old wallet to the new one.

Since then, Shen Zhi had always used this wallet. Xu Yan didn't know if it was out of laziness or sentiment. Anyway, it seemed the wallet was quite durable, and of good quality. Though it had aged considerably, there were no obvious signs of wear and tear.

After examining it for a while, Xu Yan prepared to put it back but his thumb accidentally slipped into the fold, opening it. What caught his eye was a very noticeable one-inch photo with a blue background in the photo compartment.

The young man in the photo had a smiling expression at the corners of his eyes and mouth, his bright gaze looking directly at the camera – it was Xu Yan during his university days.

There was no need to guess how Shen Zhi had obtained this photo because the edges of the photo still had remnants of a red seal – the university's photography club's seal, with only half of the word 'association' left. 

So the photo had been torn from the university photography club ID card – When Xu Yan graduated, he had moved into Shen Zhi's place, bringing along various volunteer IDs, blood donation cards, and other certificates, which he had stuffed into Shen Zhi's home.

Behind the ID photo was another picture, which Xu Yan pulled out. It was of himself on graduation day, wearing his academic gown – captured in profile, holding a bouquet, and smiling. The focus was slightly off, making the image a bit blurry, and there was even half a head of a passer-by in the lower right corner. From a photographer's perspective, the photo must have been taken hastily.

He and Shen Zhi were in different departments, so their graduation photo sessions were on different days. On the day Xu Yan had his photo taken, Shen Zhi had to attend a meeting at his company, and when it was Shen Zhi's turn, Xu Yan was on a business trip with his supervisor. They had just missed each other, and Xu Yan had lamented numerous times about how he hadn't been able to personally take graduation photos of Shen Zhi with his DSLR.

It was inexplicable how this side-profile photo had come about. Whether it had been taken by Shen Zhi, who was supposedly in a meeting that day, or by someone else and later passed on to Shen Zhi, the fact was that it had been developed, cropped to the appropriate size, and placed in Shen Zhi's wallet.

The transparent film showed slight bulges where the photo edges pressed against it. The leather beneath the photo, covered by the picture, was darker and newer than the surrounding area, indicating that the photos had been in the wallet for quite some time.

During this period, Xu Yan's consciousness wavered between clarity and confusion. He felt like a long time had passed, but it had only been less than five minutes. When he returned the photos to their original place and put the wallet back into Shen Zhi's coat, the door opened, and Shen Zhi came in holding a glass bowl containing peeled oranges and sliced pear pieces.

"Have some fruit first."

Shen Zhi walked over and knelt on one knee beside the bed. Xu Yan's pupils followed his movements. Shen Zhi offered a segment of orange to Xu Yan's mouth, but Xu Yan didn't open his mouth. Shen Zhi then offered a pear slice, but Xu Yan still didn't open his mouth.

After observing Xu Yan for a while, Shen Zhi asked, "Do you want something else?"

Xu Yan didn't respond. He rubbed his eyes, but before he could rub them more, Shen Zhi pulled his hand away. Xu Yan blinked his right eye hard and muttered, "It itches."

Shen Zhi placed his hand over Xu Yan's right eye, gently rubbing it with his thumb. With his other hand, he held Xu Yan's hand, wanting to hold it tighter but fearing Xu Yan would pull away, so he held it loosely without applying pressure.

"Better?" Shen Zhi asked after lowering his hand.

Xu Yan slowly opened his eyes. His right eye was a bit red, but the itching had stopped. He said, "I want to eat orange."

The tangy sweetness of the orange segment was fed into Xu Yan's mouth. After chewing for a few moments, Xu Yan asked a question that should have been asked from the beginning but was pointless anyway: "Why did you come?"

Shen Zhi, staring at Xu Yan's hand in his palm, replied, "To see you."

"We just met last week."

"That's not enough." Shen Zhi seemed to make a firm decision, gradually tightening his grip on Xu Yan's hand. "I want to see you every day."

Xu Yan, staring hazily at the light, let out a drunken chuckle. "You probably lack experience, one of the basic qualities of a backup is to be content with what you have."

Shen Zhi's breath hitched. He didn't know whether to be thrilled that Xu Yan allowed him to be a substitute or saddened by the term "backup." After all, it was his own proposal. In his mental breakdown, his only thought was not to lose Xu Yan, even if it meant existing in such a role.

Only after sobering up, Shen Zhi realised he was far from content.

However, after waiting so long for Xu Yan to relent and allow him to take a step towards him, he felt that even the hardships were worth it.

Shen Zhi lifted Xu Yan's hand, pressing his palm against his own cheek, and gently rubbed against it. He looked intently at Xu Yan, "Then give me a little sweetness, so I can learn to be content."

Xu Yan turned his head, his fingers moving slightly, the pads of his fingers gliding over Shen Zhi's jaw, very slowly. Finally, he cupped Shen Zhi's chin and lifted it a bit. After scrutinising Shen Zhi for a long time, Xu Yan said, "You know, I was attracted to your face back then."

"So I suggest you take good care of it, make sure it stays healthy."

Shen Zhi was stunned for a few seconds, staring into Xu Yan's eyes. He couldn't help but take a deep breath, feeling something rise in his chest that he couldn't suppress. Suddenly, he grasped Xu Yan's wrist, realising he was far from satisfied. Now that Xu Yan had given him a little, he wanted more – wanted Xu Yan to touch his face more, to openly say "I'm worried about you," to keep looking at him even when sober...

Wanted Xu Yan to love him again.

It was very quiet. Xu Yan did not avoid Shen Zhi's gaze, still looking somewhat dazed. Shen Zhi's Adam's apple bobbed, and he leaned closer. He was very close now, he could see Xu Yan's long eyelashes. Xu Yan's eyes were still somewhat bewildered, but also bright.

His lips were just about to touch the corner of Xu Yan's mouth – when the sudden ringing of a phone startled Xu Yan, bringing him back to his senses. He turned his face away and reached into his pocket to take out his phone.

Shen Zhi glanced at the caller ID – Yu Xue. Those two short characters extinguished all his hopes, shattering his fantasies mercilessly. A bitter taste surged from the root of his tongue. Shen Zhi bit the tip of his tongue, feeling like he was the one who had been drunk and then sobered up, with the intoxication lasting only a fleeting two minutes, too short to cherish and barely enough to dream. He stood up. "I'll go get some hot water."

Xu Yan didn't look at him as he answered the phone, "Hello?"

Yu Xue, for once, sounded normal today. "What are you doing? I've been on set for a week now, did you know?"

"I heard," Xu Yan smiled. Knowing she was tired from filming, he lowered his voice to make it sound especially gentle. "We'll be able to meet soon."

As he said this, Shen Zhi had just walked out and closed the door. Through the crack in the door, he could hear Xu Yan's voice with a coaxing and comforting tone – almost identical to three years ago, except now it was meant for someone else. Shen Zhi thought he had accepted and could face reality, but he realised he couldn't.

Yu Xue chuckled on the other end, "You mean the cover shoot next week? It's indeed soon."

"Yes, I heard the island is private. I don't know what it's like there, I'll go check it out next week."

"Mhmm," Yu Xue responded softly, "It's Lin Yan's, he never let anyone take photos on the island before."

"So it's President Lin's... No wonder no one knows what it looks like, there aren't even any pictures."

"There's nothing special about it. There's a sunroom with flowers that someone tends to regularly," Yu Xue said.

Xu Yan asked, "What kind of flowers? Maybe we can use them for the set."

"Lilacs," Yu Xue sounded like she was about to fall asleep, her tone light and airy. But Xu Yan felt she was more likely lost in some memory. She added, "Only lilacs."

"Got it," Xu Yan said. "You must be tired. Rest early after you wrap up."

"Okay~"

After hanging up, Xu Yan closed his eyes. When he had mentioned "shooting" and "photos," his mind had been full of the two photos in Shen Zhi's wallet. He seemed to see his past self, eyes bright and earnest, and he also saw the old Shen Zhi, indifferent and impatient. They stood face to face, completely mismatched, a jarring sight that had lasted for four years.

He didn't want to experience such a relationship again, not for a single second, so he could only keep Shen Zhi at a distance. People naturally avoid harm and seek benefit.

The door opened, and Shen Zhi came in with a cup of hot water. Seeing Xu Yan with his eyes closed, he thought he was asleep. He placed the cup on the bedside table, sat by the bed, and pressed the back of his hand to Xu Yan's flushed face, watching him frown and mumble. Shen Zhi irrationally wished Xu Yan could stay drunk forever.

"Thirsty?" he asked softly.

Xu Yan slowly lifted his eyelids and, after a moment, gave a sluggish "Oh." He propped himself up on his elbow, raised his chin slightly, and opened his mouth. Shen Zhi brought the cup closer. Xu Yan tilted his head back. He hadn't felt particularly thirsty before, but once he tasted the water, he suddenly felt parched. He leaned forward eagerly, lips around the cup rim, his Adam's apple moving up and down, making gulping sounds. As the cup tipped higher, Shen Zhi watched Xu Yan intently, using his hand to wipe away the water spilling from the corners of Xu Yan's mouth.

After drinking, Xu Yan licked his lips and collapsed back onto the bed with his eyes closed.

"Do you want more?" Shen Zhi asked.

Xu Yan shook his head.

"Want to take a bath?"

Xu Yan shook his head again, "You should go, I'll bathe later when I'm sober."

After he finished speaking, he rolled over and hugged his pillow, ready to sleep. Shen Zhi watched him for a while, wanting to stroke his hair, but in the end, he didn't. He covered Xu Yan with a thin blanket, stood up, and walked to the door, turning off the light and closing the door behind him.

Passing through the living room, Shen Zhi glanced at the sofa and fell into deep thought.

———

The author has something to say:

Xu Yan: Sickly person, I'm really afraid he might just die suddenly one day.

Shen Zhi's Diary: My wife said he likes my face. I understand. I'll order ten boxes of face masks now. (Closes diary and falls asleep peacefully on the sofa at his wife's place.)

[Love you all very much, see you next year]

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: August 13, 2024 by Angel

Edited: October 13, 2024 by Angel