Wilderness Vegetation Chapter 29

Chapter 29

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On the twenty-ninth day of the twelfth lunar month, the second day of Shen Zhi's hospital stay, Meng Yuwan and Shen Ming never showed up. Instead, Lin Mian stayed by his side, pouring hot water and cutting fruit, being very attentive.

"Xiao Zhi Gege, you're so handsome," Lin Mian said. "When you stood in my living room and said you wouldn't get engaged, you were really handsome. Uncle and Auntie haven't come to scold you yet, maybe they're waiting for you to recover. You need to be mentally prepared."

Shen Zhi ignored her, leaning against the pillow with his eyes closed.

Lin Mian didn't mind and continued to smile, "Even though you ignored me when I sought you out a few days ago, I forgive you now."

"You were the one who said you wanted to drag it out a bit more to anger your boyfriend," Shen Zhi said.

Lin Mian was taken aback, her smile fading. She stared at the orange in her hand for a few seconds before replying, "Right, this tactic doesn't work on him, he doesn't care at all."

Shen Zhi opened his eyes and looked at the overly flamboyant bouquet of red roses on the windowsill – Lin Mian's gift. He said, "How do you know he doesn't care?"

"If he cared, he wouldn't have broken up with me. He wouldn't have used the lousy excuse of 'you deserve better,' and he wouldn't have returned all the gifts I gave him..." Lin Mian's eyes were already red, but her expression was stubborn. "I won't play around anymore, I won't keep thinking about seeing him, I'll forget him soon."

"That's good, your parents will quickly arrange a new fiancé for you."

Lin Mian immediately pursed her lips and stopped talking. Shen Zhi asked her, "How long were you two together?"

"Two years, seven months, and nine days," Lin Mian said. "When we first met, he didn't even have a car, now he's on his second one. He said you can't go out for business without a decent car."

"On my birthday this year, he gave me a necklace. It was the first expensive gift he gave me, worth over twenty thousand."

"And then you wore the twenty-thousand necklace to a party and got mocked by your friends, who asked why you were wearing such a cheap item," Shen Zhi said.

"But he gave it to me..." Lin Mian wiped her eyes, smudging her eye makeup on her wrist. "Last year, for my birthday, he gave me a dress worth five thousand six hundred. He stayed up late working overtime and ate instant noodles every day for that five thousand. He didn't have to, but when I asked him out for dinner, he never agreed to go out to eat with me."

Shen Zhi said, "Your casual meal could cost him half a year's living expenses."

"It's not like I need him to pay!" Lin Mian shouted.

Shen Zhi looked at her, "That's the problem."

Lin Mian remained silent, her eyes red. After a few seconds, she said, "I'm a fool, and so are you. You can't even solve your own problems, so I don't believe what you say."

Shen Zhi looked at the IV needle in the back of his hand and said nothing more.

On New Year's Eve, Xu Yan and Xu Nian returned home. After two years, they finally had a sense of belonging. Xu Yan drank a bit of wine while Fang Hui kept talking to him. Xu Nian joked around nearby. Eventually, Xu Shen spoke up, "Drink less."

Xu Yan looked up at him and smiled, "Got it, Dad."

Around eleven o'clock, Fang Hui got tired. The two brothers cleaned up the table and went out after their parents went upstairs. As they opened the door, they saw a thin layer of snow covering the ground, with more falling from the sky. It really snowed this New Year's Eve.

Xu Nian hadn't drunk, so he drove Xu Yan home – he'd join his sister for New Year's after dropping his brother off. He chattered as he drove, but Xu Yan didn't pay much attention, leaning back in his seat and watching the snow outside.

At the entrance to the neighbourhood, Xu Yan asked Xu Nian to stop so he could walk back and sober up. They got out of the car, and Xu Nian asked, "Ge, where are you and Lu Sen going in Hokkaido?"

"Otaru," Xu Yan looked up at the snow and replied, "There's a movie that hasn't been released yet, we're going to shoot some promotional photos."

"The snow in Otaru should be heavy," Xu Nian said.

"Mhmm, I heard it's thick."

"When I last chatted with Lu Sen, he mentioned going to Paris with you... Why didn't you tell me or Mom and Dad?" Xu Nian finally asked.

"It's not decided yet, so there's nothing to say," Xu Yan replied.

"If you go, what's your mindset?" 

Xu Yan thought for a moment, "A learning mindset. Seeing more of the world would be helpful for my work."

"That's good," Xu Nian nodded. "I just worry you want to escape. I know Shen Zhi has come looking for you several times. Don't be fooled by him, and don't go abroad just to avoid him. Make your own decisions."

"I won't," Xu Yan ruffled Xu Nian's hair. "Alright, it's cold, go back. Happy New Year."

"You too, Ge. Happy New Year!"

Xu Yan walked alone into the community. Just a street away was the square, where many people were standing in front of the LED screen, probably waiting for the New Year countdown. Xu Yan checked his watch – almost there, just ten minutes left.

As he walked into the gate of the neighbourhood, he saw a tall figure standing by the flower bed a few meters away. Xu Yan shrank his neck, burying his chin in his scarf, and walked past Shen Zhi. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the small medical plaster on the back of Shen Zhi's hand. Despite its size, it seemed glaringly obvious to Xu Yan.

Xu Yan walked forward while Shen Zhi quietly followed by his side, their feet sinking softly into the snow. Xu Yan felt tired and confused. He had already said harsh words and had finally convinced himself to let go. But if Shen Zhi truly liked him – if that were the case, Xu Yan thought, if Shen Zhi had fallen for him only after they parted, he could comfort himself that Shen Zhi finally had feelings for him... But unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Shen Zhi had managed to both like him and hurt him over the past few years, which was more cruel than not loving him at all.

Being called annoying or bothersome didn't matter; Xu Yan was used to it. But Shen Zhi's declaration of love was fatal to Xu Yan, making him shed tears accumulated over six years – anger, grievance, sadness, regret... there was too much.

The emotional time difference between them was too vast, not a matter of seconds, minutes, or days, but over four years, enough to prove they were truly incompatible.

"The last time my mom came to find you, I didn't know in advance," Shen Zhi suddenly said. He probably had a cold, as his voice was a bit hoarse. "She called me suddenly, and I heard you two talking. That's when I realised she deliberately let me hear."

"It's okay," Xu Yan replied. It wasn't a big deal, he didn't care. Regardless of whether Shen Zhi was listening, his answer would have been the same.

His throat hurt, and Shen Zhi coughed a few times before continuing, "I'll explain to her and make sure she doesn't bother you again."

Xu Yan smiled slightly, "That would be best."

The path was too short; with just a few words, they reached the building. As Xu Yan was about to step inside, Shen Zhi suddenly called out to him, "Xu Yan."

Xu Yan turned back and saw Shen Zhi standing in the falling snow. He looked much thinner, and Xu Yan felt a pang of heartache, wanting to tell him to eat something sweet if he felt dizzy from low blood sugar, to pay attention to his diet to avoid stomach pain, and to remember to go to Dr. Liu for wrist check-ups and acupuncture... But Xu Yan said nothing, only looking at him.

"Happy New Year," Shen Zhi said, then took something shiny out of his coat pocket – it was the Snoopy necklace. He said softly, "I'm returning this to you."

Xu Yan remembered Shen Zhi throwing the necklace out of the car window himself. He hadn't expected him to retrieve it, whether immediately or after some time... Forget it, it wasn't important

He took the necklace and ran his finger over the cold Snoopy pendant, almost talking to himself, "It's mine again."

Then he raised his hand and tossed the necklace into the flower bed.

"It has always been mine. How I deal with it is my business" – these were Shen Zhi's words when he had thrown the necklace, and now Xu Yan returned them unchanged.

Acting on impulse, an eye for an eye, retaliating – none of these applied. Xu Yan couldn't bear it either, but he wanted them both to give up. Some things shouldn't be held onto, they had to be crushed face to face. Even if Shen Zhi truly loved him now, Xu Yan no longer had the energy to devote himself to him again.

Without looking at Shen Zhi's expression, he turned and entered the building without looking back. Shen Zhi only stared at the spot where Snoopy had landed, seemingly still in a daze.

When he got home, it was eleven fifty-nine. Xu Yan went to the kitchen to boil water. Inadvertently glancing outside, he saw Shen Zhi still standing there.

The street lamp cast a dim light as snowflakes fell quietly onto Shen Zhi's hair, shoulders, and feet, creating a serene scene. Shen Zhi looked up slightly, meeting Xu Yan's gaze through the wind and snow and the four-storey distance. In the distance, a sudden cheer erupted from the square – the new year had arrived.

Their first time celebrating the New Year together turned out to be in such a scene.

If only it had been sooner. Xu Yan turned off the kitchen light and walked through the living room to his bedroom, thinking that if Shen Zhi had confessed his love before he had completely given up, it would have been great.

But it was too late. One had realised their feelings when the other was already exhausted and determined to let go. The past story, replayed repeatedly, concluded that they couldn't forgive each other and were destined to part.

His cheek itched a bit. Xu Yan touched it, feeling a damp spot on his palm – like the snow melting on his shoulder as he walked from the neighbourhood gate to the building with Shen Zhi.

———

The author has something to say:

Snoopy: Fuck you.

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

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Translator Notes

Please feel free to comment any mistakes I made so I can improve and do better as I go through the book.

Translated: July 3, 2024 by Angel

Edited: August 10, 2024 by Angel